Coach Lee

Your ex might seem calm, distant, or completely fine after the breakup. Get Coach Lee's Reunion Blueprint at https://ReunionBlueprint.com. Book a coaching session with Coach Lee at https://myexbackcoach.com/book-with-coach-lee/ Maybe they’re silent. Maybe they’re posting like life has never been better. Maybe they’ve even convinced themselves that they’re at peace. But here’s the truth—they’re struggling more than they’ll ever admit. Breakups don’t bring instant clarity. They create doubt, emotional contradictions, and hidden struggles that most people refuse to acknowledge. While you’re wondering if they’ve moved on without a second thought, they’re fighting an internal battle they don’t want you to see. In this episode, I’ll break down five hidden struggles your ex is facing right now—whether they show it or not: 🎙️ What You’ll Learn in This Episode: They’re Exhausted from Pretending They Don’t Care – The silent emotional drain of keeping up an act. They Can’t Escape the “What If?” Thoughts – How doubt slowly replaces their initial confidence. Seeing You Unaffected Makes Their Internal Struggle Worse – Why their need for control backfires. They’re Afraid to Admit They Might Have Been Wrong – How their ego is keeping them stuck. Their Silence Isn’t Peace—It’s a Battle – The hidden emotional chaos they can’t avoid forever. If you think their silence means they don’t care, you’re only seeing the surface. The longer they stay silent, the harder this struggle becomes. Get Coach Lee's Reunion Blueprint at https://ReunionBlueprint.com. Book a coaching session with Coach Lee at https://myexbackcoach.com/book-with-coach-lee/

Right now, it might seem like your ex is completely certain about their decision. They’re acting distant, cold, and unbothered—like you never really mattered to them. But here’s the truth… they’re more confused than you think. Get Coach Lee's "Reunion Blueprint" for just $7 at https://ReunionBlueprint.com Book a private session with Coach Lee at https://myexbackcoach.com/book-with-coach-lee/ Breakups don’t bring instant clarity. Instead, they create doubt, second-guessing, and emotional contradictions that your ex may not even recognize yet. In this episode, I’ll break down five psychological reasons why your ex isn’t as sure as they seem—and why their silence, avoidance, or even their confidence might actually be a sign of confusion. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: Why confusion often looks like rejection—and how to avoid taking it personally. The reason your ex thought they’d feel better by now… but don’t. How they’re caught between missing you and proving a point—and why that keeps them stuck. The hidden self-doubt they don’t want to admit (even to themselves). Why your certainty makes them even more confused. Your ex’s mind isn’t as made up as you think. And the moment they realize that? Everything changes. Get Coach Lee's "Reunion Blueprint" for just $7 at https://ReunionBlueprint.com Book a private session with Coach Lee at https://myexbackcoach.com/book-with-coach-lee/

Your ex may seem unaffected by the breakup, but that’s likely not the full story. There are several reasons why they appear to feel nothing—at least, for now. Get Coach Lee's $7 "Reunion Blueprint" at https://ReunionBlueprint.com. If you are in a troubled marriage, get Coach Lee's FREE mini-course on saving your marriage at https://MarriageRadio.com/marriagehelp 1. Dopamine and the Relief Stage When your ex decided to break up, their brain rewarded them with dopamine, the same chemical that gives a sense of satisfaction when completing difficult tasks. Since breaking up is tough, their brain gives them a sense of relief, making them feel like they’ve “escaped” something they had been struggling with for a while. Even if they later regret the breakup, at the moment, they feel good because the breakup is no longer something they are dreading. This initial relief can make it seem like they feel nothing, but it's just the temporary high of crossing a difficult task off their mental to-do list. 2. No Emotional Consequences Yet Your ex has not yet had time to fully experience your absence. The human brain assumes that familiar people will always be around, so in the early stages after a breakup, they don’t feel like they’ve lost you permanently. If you keep reaching out, they won’t feel any real emotional consequences. They won’t miss you because they still believe you are an option. In order for them to feel your absence, you must stop contacting them and allow reality to set in. 3. They Consider You a Perpetual Option If your ex hasn’t experienced you truly being gone, they don’t believe they’ve lost you. Many people make the mistake of keeping communication open, thinking it will help rebuild the relationship, but in reality, it only reinforces the breakup. By remaining in their life, you make it easier for them to move on, because nothing feels different. The best way to make them reconsider is to actually walk away and let them realize what life is like without you. 4. They Are Rewriting the Relationship To justify the breakup, your ex may distort their memories of the relationship, making you seem worse than you were. They may label you as toxic, controlling, or even call you a narcissist, not necessarily because they believe it, but because they need a logical reason to explain the breakup to themselves and others. However, over time, their brain will naturally forget the negatives and remember the positives more clearly. This psychological process, known as the fading effect bias, often leads people to regret their decisions. 5. They Feel Something, But They Won’t Show It Your ex may be feeling emotions but doesn’t want to admit it. Reaching out after a breakup can feel embarrassing, so instead, they look for an excuse to reconnect subtly. They may start small, sending a casual message, hoping you’ll take the lead. Some people struggle with accountability and want the other person to be the one to initiate getting back together. Final Thoughts The best way to handle this situation is to stay away. Let your ex go through the natural stages of post-breakup emotions. As the dopamine fades and they experience your absence, they may start to miss you. If you continue to reach out, you only delay this process. Instead, give them the breakup they wanted—so they can truly feel what life is like without you. Get Coach Lee's $7 "Reunion Blueprint" at https://ReunionBlueprint.com. If you are in a troubled marriage, get Coach Lee's FREE mini-course on saving your marriage at https://MarriageRadio.com/marriagehelp

Your ex may act fine after the breakup, but deep down, they’re feeling emotions they won’t admit to anyone—including themselves. In this podcast episode, Coach Lee reveals the hidden pain your ex experiences as time passes and why they might start to regret leaving you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: The Pain of Uncertainty: Why they start questioning if breaking up was a mistake. The Emotional Crash: How their initial relief turns into emptiness. The Power of Nostalgia: Why their brain rewrites history to focus on the good times. The Reality of Feeling Stuck: How seeing you move forward makes them feel left behind. The Shock of Your Silence: Why they expected you to chase—but now wonder if they lost you forever. Why This Matters Your ex’s silence doesn’t mean they’re happy. Their ego, fear, and pride keep them from showing their true emotions. But as time passes, their pain grows—until they can no longer ignore it. Understanding this process can help you stay strong in no contact and give you the best chance of making them realize what they lost. 📌 Want a step-by-step plan to get your ex back? Get the $7 Reunion Blueprint at ReunionBlueprint.com 📌 For more expert breakup coaching, visit: MyExBackCoach.com. If you are married, visit https://MarriageRadio.com. 💬 Have you noticed your ex showing signs of hidden pain? Share your experience in the comments below! Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for more insights from Coach Lee.

At first, it might seem like your ex is doing just fine after the breakup—maybe even relieved. But that feeling won’t last forever. In this episode, Coach Lee dives deep into why your ex actually feels worse as time goes on and how their emotions shift in ways they never expected. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: Why your ex’s emotions are delayed after the breakup – Understanding the psychological timeline that makes them feel worse over time. How nostalgia rewrites the past – Why your ex starts remembering the good times more than the bad as weeks and months pass. The role of no contact in amplifying their regret – How staying silent makes them realize what they’ve lost. Why their emotional safety net disappears – The hidden reason why breakups often hit dumpers harder later. Signs they may be struggling behind the scenes – Subtle behaviors that reveal they’re not as fine as they pretend to be. Time is on your side. Your ex might have felt in control initially, but as time passes, the weight of their decision sinks in. The longer the silence lasts, the more their mind starts questioning, doubting, and missing you. 📌 For expert breakup guidance and step-by-step strategies, visit: MyExBackCoach.com 📌 Get the $7 Reunion Blueprint to maximize your chances of getting them back: ReunionBlueprint.com If you are experiencing a marriage crisis, get Coach Lee's free mini-course on saving a marriage at https://MarriageRadio.com/marriagehelp 💬 Have you seen an ex struggle months after the breakup? Share your experience in the comments! Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for more relationship insights from Coach Lee.

The Impact of Radio Silence on Your Ex Radio silence is one of the most effective strategies after a breakup, particularly if your ex was the one who ended the relationship. It works hand in hand with no contact but has its own unique impact. By removing yourself from your ex’s life completely—no texting, no social media updates, no interaction—you create a noticeable absence that forces them to feel the consequences of their decision. Get Coach Lee's Reunion Blueprint to get your ex back for only $7 at https://ReunionBlueprint.com. Breaking the Seek-and-Find Pattern In today’s world, we’re used to getting answers instantly. If we have a question, we Google it. If we need to know something, we check social media or text someone. But when it comes to people, things work differently. When you go silent, your ex loses the ability to check up on you. They can’t find out how you're doing, who you’re with, or whether you’ve moved on. That can be incredibly frustrating for them because it breaks their expectation that they can always seek information and find it. This is an important first consequence of the breakup—they no longer have access to you. Before, they were used to knowing what was going on in your life, from daily activities to future plans. Now, they get nothing. And that absence can feel jarring. Forcing Them to Miss Your Intimacy Regardless of why they ended the relationship, if it lasted six months or more, your ex will inevitably miss the intimacy you shared. That’s the part of a relationship people tend to miss the most. Even in shorter relationships, there is a level of connection that gets disrupted when one person disappears. Many times, after a breakup, an ex will check social media, scroll through old pictures, or casually ask mutual friends about you. This gives them a sense of staying emotionally connected, even if the relationship has ended. But when you enforce radio silence, they lose that option. If all they can see are old posts and outdated pictures, it doesn't satisfy them. They want new information—something to confirm that you’re still there, still missing them, still possibly open to reconciliation. But when you disappear, they feel the full impact of what it means to no longer have you in their life. Creating a Psychological Void The mind has a tendency to fixate on what it cannot have. When you go silent, your ex is left with questions: That curiosity is crucial. If they assume they can check in on you whenever they want, they feel in control. But when that information is no longer available, their curiosity can quickly turn into concern, then regret. People often think that their ex expects them to beg, plead, or try to convince them to stay. When you do the opposite—when you vanish—they don’t know what to think. It’s unexpected, and that makes it powerful. Preventing Closure Get Coach Lee's Reunion Blueprint to get your ex back for only $7 at https://ReunionBlueprint.com. Many times, an ex will look for ways to feel justified in their decision. They want closure on their terms. If they see you struggling, reaching out, or making it clear that you still want them, it gives them a sense of relief. They feel that breaking up was the right choice. But when they can’t see any evidence of your emotions, they are left in a state of uncertainty. They don’t know if you’re heartbroken or if you’ve already moved on. That lack of closure leaves the door open for them to second-guess their decision. Triggering Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) People don’t like the idea of being left out. If your ex believes they still have a place in your life, even from a distance, they won’t feel a strong urge to return. But when you go silent, their mind starts to assume things: These thoughts create a fear of missing out—on your life, your happiness, and possibly even a reconciliation. Making Yourself Inaccessible There’s a big difference between knowing you can reach someone and realizing you might not be...

Does No Contact Work with a Borderline Personality Disorder Ex? Breaking up with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) presents unique challenges, leading many to question whether the no-contact rule is effective in this situation. In this audio/video, Coach Lee explores how no contact impacts individuals with BPD, the reactions you might encounter, and whether this approach fosters healing, clarity, and even reconciliation. What You’ll Discover in This Video: Why No Contact Works Differently with a BPD Ex: How emotional instability and extreme mood swings influence their perception of separation. Understanding the Push-Pull Cycle: Why individuals with BPD shift between craving closeness and abruptly pushing you away—and how no contact disrupts this pattern. Common Emotional Reactions to No Contact: Anticipating responses like distress, idealization, or even manipulative attempts to draw you back in. Dangers of Breaking No Contact Prematurely: How engaging too soon can trap you in an unhealthy cycle and prevent both of you from truly moving forward. How No Contact Promotes Growth for Both of You: Why distancing yourself isn’t about punishment but about allowing space for emotional reset and perspective shifts. Many assume that maintaining no contact with a BPD ex is impossible due to their intense emotional reactions, but this video sheds light on why it can be one of the most crucial steps toward personal healing and establishing better relationship dynamics in the future. What Is BPD? Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by extreme emotional fluctuations, difficulty regulating emotions, and unstable relationships. Those with BPD often struggle with fear of abandonment, intense mood swings, and behaviors that may come across as manipulative or erratic. Partners of individuals with BPD frequently describe the relationship as feeling like they are "walking on eggshells." Helpful Resources: 📌 Get the $7 Reunion Blueprint for a step-by-step guide to getting your ex back: ReunionBlueprint.com 📌 Visit MyExBackCoach.com for more advice on breakups, emotional healing, and relationship strategies. 💬 Join the discussion! Have you implemented no contact with a BPD ex? What was your experience? Drop a comment below, and don’t forget to like, subscribe, and turn on notifications for more expert relationship guidance from Coach Lee. 🔔 Watch now and gain the insight you need to navigate this challenging situation. Read the accompanying article: No Contact and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Why Your Ex Misses You Later (And What You Can Do About It) Get Coach Lee's Reunion Blueprint to get your ex back! After a breakup, you may find yourself missing your ex almost immediately, but they often take longer to feel that same sense of loss. This delay happens for a reason, and understanding why can help you handle the situation in a way that increases your chances of getting them back. Here’s what happens in your ex’s mind after a breakup and what you can do about it. 1. The Delayed Loss Window Your ex likely experiences something called the delayed loss window. Immediately after breaking up with you, they feel a sense of relief. Ending a relationship, even one they wanted to end, is difficult. They may have dreaded the conversation, felt guilty about hurting you, or worried about the awkwardness of the situation. Once the breakup is over, they experience emotional relief—similar to the way you feel after completing a difficult task. During this stage, your ex believes life will be better without you. They assume they’re moving toward something better, whether that means another person, more freedom, or simply avoiding problems they perceived in the relationship. However, this relief is temporary. What You Should Do The best way to move them out of this relief stage quickly is no contact. This means no texting, calling, or watching their social media stories. You must remove yourself from their life entirely. By doing so, you prevent them from constantly reaffirming their decision. If you stay in contact, they will continue seeking relief from the breakup, reinforcing the idea that breaking up was the right choice. But when you disappear, the relief stage ends much faster. 2. From Freedom to Loneliness After the relief stage, reality begins to set in. Even if your ex has started dating someone else, they still experience loneliness—not just in the sense of missing your presence, but in terms of emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy develops when two people share their lives, thoughts, and feelings over time. It’s not something they can easily replace. When they no longer have you to talk to about their day, their past, and their feelings, a void appears. Even if they are surrounded by other people, the loneliness from losing that deep connection with you starts to take hold. What You Should Do Again, no contact is key. Their loneliness will intensify when they realize they can’t turn to you for comfort. If you reach out, you provide an easy escape from this loneliness, and they don’t have to face the consequences of their decision. But if you remain silent, they will begin to miss the emotional connection they lost. Get Coach Lee's Reunion Blueprint to get your ex back! 3. The Emotional Echo Effect As time passes, your ex will start experiencing emotional echoes—waves of sadness, longing, and nostalgia. These moments are triggered by things like hearing a song that reminds them of you, seeing a picture of the two of you, or even catching a familiar scent. When you are silent, these emotional echoes become stronger because they assume you’re happily moving on. If you were reaching out, they’d feel reassured that you were still available. But since they don’t hear from you, doubt begins to creep in. What You Should Do Maintain mystery and silence. When they don’t know what you’re up to, their imagination takes over, and they may start to worry that you are moving on. This uncertainty makes them reevaluate the breakup. 4. Unexpected Jealousy Jealousy is a powerful emotion, but it must happen naturally. If you post pictures with someone new to make your ex jealous, they will likely see through it and feel reassured that you still care. However, if they simply suspect you are moving on, the jealousy is much stronger because they believe it’s real. What You Should Do Instead of trying to make them jealous, stay silent and live your life. Let them wonder. Their mind will fill in the blanks, making them fear...

One of the most surprising ways to get your ex back is to genuinely move on. It sounds counterintuitive, but detaching from the relationship and focusing on your own growth can actually make your ex reconsider their decision. In this video, Coach Lee explains why shifting your mindset away from desperation and toward self-improvement increases your attractiveness and draws your ex back toward you. Get Coach Lee's "Reunion Blueprint" to get your ex back! https://ReunionBlueprint.com Why Moving On is So Powerful When someone breaks up with you, they expect you to chase them or to be emotionally devastated. But when you take a step back, embrace life, and stop trying to convince them to return, it changes their perception of you. Your ex starts to wonder if they made the right decision, and the emotional distance allows them to miss you. Coach Lee breaks down the psychological principles behind this shift, including: Reverse Psychology in Attraction: How becoming less available increases your value in their eyes. Scarcity and Intrigue: Why your absence can make them think about you more. Emotional Reset: How giving them space allows both of you to view the relationship more clearly. How to Move On Effectively Moving on doesn’t mean pretending to be happy just to get a reaction. It means truly investing in yourself and your future. Here’s how you can do that: Build Your Confidence: Start prioritizing self-care, fitness, and personal development to enhance your self-esteem. Engage in New Activities: Find new hobbies or revisit passions that may have been neglected during the relationship. Be Social and Expand Your Network: Spending time with friends and making new connections shows that you are thriving. Practice No Contact: Stop reaching out, stop checking their social media, and allow them to feel your absence. What Happens Next? When your ex sees that you’re not chasing them, it creates an internal struggle. They start wondering why you’re doing fine without them and whether they made the right decision. This doubt can cause them to reach out or show renewed interest. Whether or not reconciliation happens, focusing on moving forward puts you in a strong position emotionally. You’re no longer relying on their return to feel happy and complete, and ironically, that’s what makes you more attractive in their eyes. Watch this video to learn more about how detaching from your ex can actually bring them back into your life. And if you want step-by-step guidance on how to navigate this process, visit https://ReunionBlueprint.com Video mentioned: Stages Your Ex Goes Through In No Contact https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYEAWNvtaTk

Why Your Ex Might Be Struggling After the Breakup Get Coach Lee's $7 "Reunion Blueprint" to get your ex back! When a breakup happens, it’s easy to think that your ex is completely fine—especially if they’re the one who initiated the split. However, the reality is that they’re likely struggling in their own way. Understanding why your ex might be having difficulty with the breakup can provide valuable insights into their behavior and help you navigate this challenging period. 1. Silence Can Cause Concern If you’re following the no-contact rule, staying silent and not chasing your ex, you’re giving them the space to feel the consequences of their decision. During the breakup process, your ex likely envisioned that breaking up with you would bring them freedom or relief. They might have imagined that getting away from the relationship would resolve their doubts or frustrations. However, when you stay silent and don’t reach out, they’re forced to confront the reality of their choice. Without you pursuing them, they lose the validation of seeing you fight to keep them, and they start to wonder if you’re moving on. This doubt can make them question whether breaking up was the right decision. It’s only when they don’t have to expend energy pushing you away that they begin to focus on the consequences of their actions. 2. The “Right Decision” Burden Breaking up is often framed in their mind as “the right decision,” and they may use that belief to fuel their resolve. However, this mindset can become a burden when they’re no longer in contact with you. Without your presence, they’re left to wonder whether the breakup was truly the right choice. If you’re constantly contacting them, they can use your persistence as evidence that they need to stick to their decision. But when you’re silent, the cracks in their confidence can start to form. They’ll begin to miss the day-to-day intimacy you shared—the conversations, the connection, and the emotional support. These feelings can create emotional discomfort that makes them question whether their decision was worth the loss. Get Coach Lee's $7 "Reunion Blueprint" to get your ex back! 3. Loss of Emotional Investment When someone has been in a meaningful relationship, they’ve invested time, energy, and emotions into that bond. After a breakup, your ex may start to feel the weight of losing that emotional investment—but only if you’re no longer present. If you’re still contacting them, they don’t experience the full impact of that loss because you’re still accessible to them. By staying silent, you allow your ex to feel the absence of your relationship. They’ll start to realize what it means to no longer share their life with you. This realization can be painful and make them rethink whether letting go of the relationship was the right choice. 4. Fear of Replacement When you maintain no contact, your ex might begin to worry that you’ve moved on or that someone else could take their place in your life. This fear of replacement can be a powerful motivator, even if they initially felt confident in their decision to break up. Seeing you appear happy, social, or engaged with others—whether through mutual friends or social media—can amplify these feelings. It’s important to note that this fear isn’t necessarily tied to their desire to get back together. Even if they don’t want the relationship, the idea of being replaced is still emotionally unsettling. This fear can add to their doubts and create a sense of urgency to reconsider their decision. 5. Doubts About Their Own Maturity Silence can also force your ex to reflect on their own behavior and maturity. When they don’t hear from you, they’re left to wonder if their decision to end the relationship was impulsive or a sign of an inability to commit. This introspection can lead them to question whether they’re capable of building a long-term relationship and whether breaking up with you was a mistake. For someone who values commitment but...

When it comes to breakups, the no-contact rule is one of the most powerful tools you can use to heal, regain your confidence, and, in some cases, increase the chances of reconciliation. However, your ex may not make it easy for you to stay silent. Even if they ended the relationship, they might use subtle (and not-so-subtle) tricks to get you to reach out first. Understanding these tactics and why they use them can help you stay strong and avoid falling into their trap. Here are some common tricks your ex might use to make you break no contact and why you should resist them. Get Coach Lee's $7 Reunion Blueprint at https://ReunionBlueprint.com 1. Subtle Gestures That Seem Meaningful Your ex might send you a message, gift, or even a photo that reminds you of your time together. For example, they could send you a picture of a place you both loved or a song that held special meaning during your relationship. These actions are designed to evoke nostalgia and emotional vulnerability, making you feel compelled to respond. While these gestures may seem thoughtful, they’re often an attempt to gauge whether you still care or to prompt you to make the first move. Unless their communication is clear and direct about wanting to reconcile, resist the urge to respond. 2. Emotional Social Media Posts Social media is a favorite tool for many exes trying to break no contact. They might post vague or emotional updates, such as, “Breakups are harder than I thought” or “I just wish things could go back to the way they were.” These posts can make you wonder if they’re missing you or regretting the breakup. It’s important to remember that these posts might not mean what you think they do. They could be fishing for validation or trying to get a reaction from you without having to directly reach out. Don’t let their public displays lure you into breaking no contact. 3. Orchestrating "Accidental" Encounters Some exes will go out of their way to bump into you. They might show up at your favorite coffee shop, join a mutual friend’s gathering they know you’ll attend, or even walk by your workplace. These encounters are rarely as accidental as they seem. The goal of these situations is often to remind you of their presence or to create an opportunity for conversation without them having to take the emotional risk of reaching out directly. If you notice this happening, remain polite but brief, and don’t let the interaction escalate into a deeper conversation. 4. Using Mutual Friends as Messengers Exes may involve mutual friends to get updates about you or to pass along messages. They might ask your friends how you’re doing, whether you’re seeing anyone new, or even tell them to “say hi” for them. This tactic allows them to test the waters without putting themselves in a vulnerable position. If you hear from a mutual friend that your ex has been asking about you, stay strong and stick to your boundaries. Politely let your friends know that you’re focusing on yourself and prefer not to discuss your ex. Get Coach Lee's $7 Reunion Blueprint at https://ReunionBlueprint.com 5. Feigning a Crisis or Need for Help Another tactic is creating a sense of urgency or crisis. They might claim they need your advice, help with a personal problem, or assistance with something they know you’re good at. This tactic plays on your empathy and the bond you once shared, making it harder for you to ignore them. While it’s natural to want to help someone you care about, consider whether their request is genuine or just a way to break no contact. Unless it’s a true emergency, maintain your boundaries. 6. Offering Friendship Instead of Reconciliation Your ex might reach out to suggest staying friends. While this can sound innocent or even considerate, it’s often a way to keep you in their life without committing to a romantic relationship. Accepting friendship when you want more can be emotionally painful and prevent you from fully moving on. As tempting as it...

Breakups are hard enough on their own, but they can become even more painful when your ex responds with anger, cruelty, or mean-spirited behavior. It’s natural to feel confused and hurt, wondering why someone who once cared about you is now acting this way. Understanding their behavior can provide clarity, help you process your emotions, and guide you in making the best decisions moving forward. Get Coach Lee's $7 Reunion Blueprint at https://ReunionBlueprint.com to get your ex back - even if it seems hopeless! Why Is Your Ex Mean After a Breakup? The answer often lies in a combination of emotional immaturity, guilt, and unresolved feelings. When someone ends a relationship, they may feel a mix of relief and discomfort. If their decision hurt you, they’re likely aware of it on some level, even if they don’t openly admit it. Facing that guilt can be difficult, so instead, they deflect it through anger or cruelty. 1. Immature Defense Mechanism One common reason your ex is mean after a breakup is that they’re using cruelty as a defense mechanism. They might see your pain and feel guilty about being the cause of it. Instead of acknowledging this guilt, they react defensively, getting angry at you for showing emotion. It’s their way of avoiding the discomfort of facing what they’ve done. In today’s society, we often struggle with how to handle someone else’s pain. Rather than sitting with it and providing support, some people try to ignore or dismiss it because it’s uncomfortable. Your ex’s anger or harshness might not be about you at all but rather about their inability to cope with your emotions. This behavior becomes even more likely if their reasons for breaking up with you were weak or selfish. For example, if they claimed they needed to “find themselves” or “work on themselves,” they might feel a lingering sense of guilt for ending the relationship. Seeing you hurt reminds them of that guilt, and they’d rather lash out than take responsibility. 2. Persistence Can Backfire Another factor that might contribute to your ex’s anger is persistent communication. After a breakup, it’s natural to want to keep the lines of communication open, especially if you’re hoping for reconciliation. However, persistence can be misinterpreted as pressure. When your ex feels pressured, they might respond with frustration or cruelty to create distance. This is particularly true if they’ve already started justifying the breakup in their mind. Your attempts to reach out may challenge their narrative, which can cause them to react negatively. In extreme cases, they might escalate their meanness as a way to push you away completely. Rather than trying to explain yourself or win them back through persistence, it’s often more effective to step back and respect their space. Giving them time and distance can help de-escalate the situation and prevent further harm to your connection. Get Coach Lee's $7 Reunion Blueprint at https://ReunionBlueprint.com to get your ex back - even if it seems hopeless! 3. Emotions Over Logic Breakups are emotional, and emotions can cloud judgment. Your ex’s harsh behavior may stem from their inability to process their own feelings rationally. When someone says their “feelings faded,” it often means they’re experiencing the natural decline of limerence—the intense infatuation that characterizes the early stages of a relationship. Limerence isn’t designed to last forever. It fades as the relationship matures, making way for deeper forms of love, like commitment and companionship. Unfortunately, many people misinterpret the end of limerence as the end of love. When their emotions take over, they might act impulsively, choosing to leave the relationship rather than working through this phase. If you’ve tried to reason with your ex or convince them to stay, their emotions may override their ability to hear you. Instead of responding logically, they react defensively or with anger because they don’t want to confront the...

"Reunion Blueprint" at https://ReunionBlueprint.com just $7 For marriage problems, get Coach Lee's free mini-course at https://www.marriageradio.com/mini-course-to-save-your-marriage/ Breakups are never easy, especially when you’re the one left behind. Emotions can run high, and the urge to reach out, explain yourself, or try to change your ex's mind can feel overwhelming. But as counterintuitive as it may seem, silence is one of the most powerful tools you have after a breakup. In this article, we’ll explore why silence works, how it impacts your ex, and why it’s the best choice for rebuilding attraction or finding closure. Why Silence is Effective When someone breaks up with you, they’ve likely been considering it for a while. They’ve debated it, weighed the pros and cons, and come to a conclusion in their mind. In contrast, the breakup is sudden and raw for you. This imbalance makes it nearly impossible to persuade them to reconsider immediately after the breakup. By remaining silent, you stop adding to the conversation they’ve already had internally. Words lose their power when your ex has already resolved their feelings. Silence, however, sends a different message. It says, “I respect your decision, and I have enough self-respect to step back.” This quiet confidence can do more to impact their perception of you than any argument or plea ever could. Silence Triggers Doubt and Curiosity When you choose silence, you disrupt your ex's expectations. They might anticipate begging, pleading, or emotional outbursts. Instead, your quiet dignity sends a clear signal that you are strong enough to move forward. This often plants seeds of doubt. They may start to wonder if they made a mistake. The absence of your presence and voice can make them realize what they’ve lost—the intimacy, shared memories, and emotional connection you built together. Silence creates a void that forces them to reflect on what they once had and whether it’s something they truly want to let go. Silence and Emotional Reset One of the biggest fears people have after a breakup is that silence will cause their ex to forget them. The truth is quite the opposite. Humans naturally miss what they no longer have access to. The emotional bonds you shared don’t disappear overnight. Silence allows those bonds to resurface in your ex’s mind without interference. Instead of reminding them of the breakup or the reasons for it, you let their memories of the good times come to the forefront. Over time, this emotional reset can rekindle feelings of attraction and longing. Avoiding the Trap of Over-Communication When you constantly reach out to your ex, you risk pushing them further away. Begging or repeatedly expressing your feelings can come across as desperate, which lowers attraction. It’s like trying to convince someone to eat when they’re already full—it only makes the situation more uncomfortable. Silence, on the other hand, communicates independence and self-control. It shows that you’re not chasing or trying to force something that isn’t mutual at the moment. This approach gives your ex the space they need to process their feelings without added pressure. What If They Move On? Many people worry that silence will give their ex the opportunity to move on. The reality is that you cannot control another person’s decisions. Trying to stop them from moving on only makes you seem insecure and less attractive. By stepping back and staying silent, you actually create the conditions that make it harder for them to move on. Without you in their life, they’re left to grapple with the absence of your presence. They might begin to miss the connection they had with you and realize that moving on isn’t as simple as they thought. How Silence Helps You Too Silence isn’t just about affecting your ex—it’s also about helping yourself heal. By refraining from contact, you give yourself time to regain emotional balance and focus on your own well-being. It’s an opportunity to...

What It Means When Your Ex Says They Need Time or Space It’s common to feel confused and even panicked when your ex, boyfriend, or girlfriend says they need “time” or “space.” These words often leave people wondering: is this the end of the relationship, or is there still hope? In this article, we’ll explore the meaning behind those phrases, the possible reasons someone might say them, and what you should do in response to improve your chances of reconciliation. Why They Might Say They Need Time or Space 1. A Gentle Breakup One reason your ex might ask for time or space is to soften the blow of a breakup. They may not want to be direct and say, “It’s over.” Instead, they offer the idea of time or space to make it easier for you to accept the separation. It’s their way of breaking up without the finality of saying it outright, allowing them to avoid a potentially emotional or confrontational situation. 2. Feeling Overwhelmed Another reason could be that they feel overwhelmed by the relationship. If you’ve been overly clingy, texting constantly, or pushing for more commitment than they’re ready for, they might ask for space to relieve the pressure. This doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care about you—it could just indicate that they need to regain a sense of balance. 3. Concerns About Moving Too Fast Sometimes, both people in a relationship can feel like things are progressing too quickly. Your ex might feel that the emotions and commitments are building faster than they can handle. They may fear the relationship isn’t grounded in a strong foundation and worry that things could fall apart later. 4. Playing Games Occasionally, people ask for space as a way to play hard-to-get or test their partner’s reaction. They might want to see how much you care and whether you’ll chase after them. While this tactic can be frustrating, responding in a calm and collected manner is key. How to Respond If your ex asks for time or space, how you respond can make a significant difference in whether they eventually come back or drift further away. 1. Take Their Words at Face Value When they say they need time or space, believe them. Don’t try to analyze every word or assume hidden meanings. By taking their request seriously and respecting their wishes, you demonstrate emotional maturity and self-confidence—qualities that can increase your attractiveness. 2. Give Them the Space They Asked For It’s tempting to check in after a few days and ask if they’ve had enough time, but this approach usually backfires. People aren’t math problems that can be solved with a set amount of time. Instead, let them come to you. This ensures they don’t feel pressured or suffocated, and it gives them the opportunity to genuinely miss you. 3. Avoid Punishing Them for Needing Space When your ex does reach out, don’t bring up their need for space or try to make them feel guilty. Comments like, “Well, you’re the one who wanted time apart,” only create tension and make them less likely to reconnect with you. Instead, focus on rebuilding the connection and having positive interactions. 4. Stay Calm and Confident If you approach the situation with desperation or anxiety, it can push them further away. Instead, show them that you’re secure enough to respect their boundaries. Confidence is attractive, and your calm demeanor can make them second-guess their decision to create distance. What to Avoid 1. Begging or Pleading Nothing erodes attraction faster than begging. If you constantly message them, pleading for another chance or trying to convince them to change their mind, you’re likely doing more harm than good. 2. Making It About You It’s easy to take their request for space personally, but doing so can lead to resentment and arguments. Remember, their need for space often has more to do with their feelings than with your behavior. 3. Trying to Force Reconciliation Some people mistakenly believe that the more they push for resolution, the faster they’ll get...

Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit Coaching session at https://myexbackcoach.com/book-with-coach-lee/ What to Do When All Else Fails: Strategies for Getting Your Ex Back When you're at your wit's end, unsure of what else to try, and willing to take some risks to rekindle your relationship with your ex, it can be a challenging and emotional time. These moments often come when you're ready to move on but feel the need to try one last thing. Here are some unconventional strategies that carry some risk but have been known to work in certain situations. 1. Double Down Sometimes, your ex may have been critical of certain hobbies, habits, or traits of yours. In this strategy, instead of hiding or abandoning these aspects of yourself, you embrace them wholeheartedly. This isn't about being spiteful but about showing your independence and confidence. For example, if your ex complained about a specific hobby you love, post about it on social media. If they disliked a particular style of clothing that makes you feel good, wear it proudly. The idea is to communicate that you're no longer seeking their approval. While this approach can feel risky and even a little defiant, it shifts the dynamic. Instead of portraying yourself as someone desperate to win them back, you become someone who is unapologetically themselves. This independence can be unexpectedly attractive. However, it's important to consider the bigger picture: Why would you want to win back someone who was critical of things that make you happy? This is a question worth reflecting on as you proceed. 2. Create Micro Mysteries Mystery has a way of drawing people in, and you can use it to your advantage. This technique involves creating intrigue by leaving certain things unresolved or open-ended. For example: Share a cryptic social media post about starting a new project but leave out key details or outcomes. Casually mention something intriguing in conversation with mutual friends or acquaintances but stop short of explaining it fully. This tactic plays on the Zeigarnik Effect, a psychological principle where people are drawn to unfinished stories or unanswered questions. By leaving your ex wondering about you, you can create curiosity and preoccupation in their mind. This approach subtly invites them to think about you more often, which can reignite feelings of interest or even attraction. 3. Take a Trip Distance can make the heart grow fonder, especially when it's unexpected. Plan a trip to an unusual or obscure location and share it on social media. The more random the destination, the better—someplace your ex wouldn't associate with your typical routine. For example, visiting a small town they've never heard of can leave them wondering: -Why are they there? -What are they doing? This strategy not only creates mystery but also gives the impression that you're moving forward with your life. For exes who are used to having you nearby, the idea of you being physically out of reach can trigger feelings of loss or curiosity. 4. Send Their Belongings Back If your ex has left items at your place, you've probably kept them as a potential point of connection. But if months have passed and they haven’t reached out to retrieve their things, sending them back can send a powerful message. Pack their belongings neatly and include a simple note: "Here are the things of yours I could find. Hope you’re well." This gesture can act as a symbolic closing of the chapter, which can be surprisingly impactful. It might make your ex realize the finality of the breakup and trigger a response. It’s a calculated move that signals you're ready to move on, even if deep down you’re hoping for a different outcome. 5. Decide to Move On The most counterintuitive yet effective strategy is genuinely deciding to move on. While easier said than done, this mindset shift can bring clarity and peace. Here’s how to approach it: Make a conscious decision....

What Is Your Ex Thinking If They're Dating Someone Else? After a breakup, seeing your ex dating someone else can be incredibly challenging. You might wonder what’s going through their mind and whether this new relationship is a rebound or something serious. Here are key insights into what your ex might be thinking if they’ve moved on to someone else and how this dynamic can evolve. Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit 1. The Stages of Grieving the Breakup Can Be Delayed If your ex begins dating someone shortly after your breakup—or even before it officially ended—they might not have fully processed the breakup yet. Their new relationship could be in the limerence stage, also known as the “honeymoon phase.” During limerence, people feel a heightened sense of excitement, passion, and novelty. This stage is often chemically fueled by dopamine, which can create an illusion of perfection in the new relationship. However, this phase doesn’t last forever. Limerence lacks deeper aspects like commitment, companionship, and the feeling of family that sustain long-term relationships. While they may feel “madly in love” now, those intense emotions are not permanent. 2. No Contact Minimizes Limerence If you’re in no contact with your ex, you’re taking a powerful step to avoid fueling the limerence of their new relationship. Often, when an ex sees their previous partner trying to intervene or win them back, it creates an “us versus the world” mentality. This dynamic can deepen their bond with the new partner as they unite against a perceived threat. By staying silent, you remove yourself from the equation, leaving their new relationship to face its own natural challenges. Additionally, your lack of communication can intrigue your ex, shifting their focus away from their current relationship and back toward wondering about you. 3. They Will Miss Intimacy With You Once limerence fades—and it always does—your ex may begin to miss the intimacy you shared. This includes emotional closeness, shared experiences, and mutual understanding built over time. Their new relationship is in its early stages, meaning it lacks the depth and history that your relationship had. If your relationship lasted for six months or longer, you had time to develop a connection that went beyond surface-level attraction. Your ex may find themselves comparing the new partner to you and longing for the emotional safety and familiarity you provided. No contact strengthens this effect by withholding any updates about your life, leaving them curious and uncertain. They might start imagining you thriving, enjoying life, and potentially moving on—all of which can create a sense of fear of missing out (FOMO) in their mind. 4. Comparisons Start to Surface As the honeymoon phase of their new relationship ends, your ex may begin comparing you and their new partner. These comparisons can be in your favor if you were a kind, thoughtful, and emotionally supportive partner. They might remember the way you showed affection, the fun moments you shared, or even small gestures that made them feel loved. While their new relationship lacks the time and experiences necessary to develop such memories, your history with your ex becomes a unique advantage. Familiarity, shared stories, and inside jokes can outweigh the fleeting excitement of a new relationship. 5. A Secret Contact With You Can Undermine Their New Relationship If your ex reaches out to you while dating someone else, it’s a significant sign. They are likely keeping this communication secret from their new partner, creating an intimacy with you that they don’t share with them. This secrecy can subtly erode trust and closeness in their new relationship while reigniting a connection between you and your ex. When they confide in you about old times or current feelings, it rekindles the bond you shared. If this happens, avoid being cold or confrontational. Instead, be polite and open,...

"If" is a poem by English poet Rudyard Kipling, written circa 1895 as a tribute to Leander Starr Jameson. It is a literary example of Victorian-era stoicism. This is a reading by Coach Lee, especially encouraging young men. If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Deciding whether to move on from an ex can be challenging. Many grapple with the emotional turmoil of a breakup, questioning whether waiting or trying to get back together is worth it. Below are some key considerations to help you navigate this decision. 1. Ask the Right Question: Should You Try to Get Them Back? Instead of asking if you should give up, ask if your ex is worth the effort. Reflect on their behavior during and after the breakup. If they left without trying to resolve issues or walked away over trivial matters, this could indicate they aren’t a good partner. A strong partner shows commitment and resilience. If they leave at the first sign of trouble or fail to communicate, it may not be wise to invest more time and energy into them. Imagine a friend describing your ex’s actions—what advice would you give them? Often, viewing the situation from a detached perspective can provide clarity. 2. Consider If There’s Someone Else If your ex is with someone new, it’s critical to assess the situation. This doesn’t always mean reconciliation is impossible, but it does complicate things. When someone quickly enters a new relationship, they may be in the infatuation phase, also known as limerence. This stage is characterized by intense emotions and a lack of rationality, but it always fades. While waiting for limerence to end is an option, it’s important to evaluate whether this person is worth the wait, especially if they’ve shown a pattern of leaving when the initial spark fades. 3. Examine Their Breakup History Your ex’s relationship patterns can provide valuable insights. If they’ve repeatedly been the one to end relationships without returning, this could signal a habit of avoiding commitment or leaving at the first sign of difficulty. Conversely, if they’ve tried to work on past relationships, it may indicate they value commitment and are open to reconciliation. However, if their history suggests a tendency to move from one partner to another, you could be at risk of being another chapter in a repetitive pattern. 4. Evaluate Blame Dynamics in the Relationship If your ex frequently blamed you for every issue without taking accountability, this could indicate entitlement or immaturity. Healthy relationships involve both partners acknowledging their contributions to problems and working together to resolve them. Some people confuse the peaceful, stable phase of a relationship with boredom and leave in search of excitement. If your ex left for such reasons and placed the blame entirely on you, it’s worth questioning whether they have the maturity to sustain a long-term partnership. 5. Reflect on Times You Considered Leaving Relationships are rarely perfect, and it’s common to experience moments of doubt. If you previously thought about leaving your ex but chose to stay and work through issues, this demonstrates your commitment. However, if your ex left without making similar efforts, it may indicate they lack the dedication required for a healthy relationship. Consider whether the relationship was as strong as you remember. Often, the pain of loss makes people romanticize the past and forget the challenges they faced while together. Reflecting on your own doubts can help you assess whether reconciling is truly in your best interest. Moving Forward While some of these points may seem discouraging, they are meant to provide clarity and guide your decision-making. Many relationships do survive breakups, but it’s crucial to approach the situation with your eyes open. Give yourself time—at least three months—to process your emotions and gain perspective. During this period, focus on self-reflection and personal growth. Once the initial intensity of your feelings has subsided, you’ll be better equipped to decide whether to continue pursuing your ex or move on. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by someone else’s willingness to be with you. If your ex fails to recognize your value, it’s their loss. Whether you...

When Your Ex Begins to Feel the Impact of Loss: Exploring the Shift in Emotional Dynamics After a Breakup Breakups bring a challenging range of emotions. Typically, one person may feel caught off guard and devastated, while the other may seem to hold all the power. However, the emotional dynamics between the one who initiated the breakup and the person who was left behind can shift significantly over time. Known as “role reversal,” this transition often surprises both individuals, flipping the feelings of control and relief into unexpected emotions like regret or even a deep sense of loss. This article explores why this emotional shift happens, how it unfolds, and what steps you can take to navigate this new landscape with strength and clarity. Get the Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/ebk 1. Control Versus Loss: The Initial Breakup Dynamic When a breakup happens, the person who initiates it is often in a position of power. This individual has likely spent considerable time processing their decision internally, possibly weighing the relationship’s pros and cons before making the choice to end it. When the moment comes, they may present their reasoning with confidence, leaving little room for the other person’s input. For the person who is on the receiving end, this is profoundly disempowering. Being left without a say in the decision can create a sense of helplessness. The partner who wanted to stay together is suddenly forced into a reality they didn’t choose, dealing with a mixture of heartbreak and a lack of control. This imbalance of power and emotion places the two people on opposite ends of the spectrum: the one who left feels free and in control, while the other is grappling with overwhelming feelings of rejection and powerlessness. This initial divide often sets the stage for a major shift in emotions down the road. 2. Early Feelings of Validation vs. the Sting of Rejection After a breakup, the person who initiates it often experiences a wave of self-assurance, especially if their former partner expresses a desire to reconcile. Observing the other person’s hurt and longing can give the initiator a sense of validation, making them feel valued and significant. This can even create a temporary boost in self-worth, reinforcing their choice to leave as they interpret it as a reflection of their desirability. However, for the person who was left, it’s a completely different experience. Rejection cuts deeply, often shaking self-esteem and bringing up doubts about personal worth. While the one who left feels a sense of power, the one left behind is left questioning their value, attractiveness, and what went wrong. For the person who initiated the breakup, the initial sense of validation can feel like an “elevation,” as if they’ve ascended to a new level of self-importance. They might even start seeing other potential partners as “options” rather than people. Meanwhile, the person who was left behind is struggling to make sense of it all, facing a much more painful version of reality. 3. The Ambiguous Excuses: A Shroud of Self-Discovery In many breakups, the person initiating the separation often uses broad, personal excuses like, “I need to work on myself,” or “I’m going through a tough time.” These explanations are difficult to question because they seem introspective and sincere. However, these reasons are often surface-level justifications covering deeper emotions—such as waning attraction, diminished interest, or a lack of motivation to keep working on the relationship. These “self-discovery” justifications allow the person who left to avoid taking full responsibility for the breakup, cloaking their decision in terms that sound thoughtful rather than superficial. For the person left behind, these vague reasons create even more confusion. They’re left wondering why they couldn’t “work on themselves” within the relationship or support their partner through the hard times. This ambiguity can make...

Making the Breakup Impactful for Your Ex: Steps Toward Potential Reconnection Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit Breakups often leave one person holding all the cards, typically the one who initiates the split. If you’re hoping to reignite the relationship, it’s crucial to understand that your ex needs to feel the cost of the breakup on an emotional level. Without this sense of loss, they may never fully understand what they gave up. In this guide, we’ll explore why creating a meaningful sense of consequence can influence their willingness to reflect on and possibly rekindle the connection. 1. Change Stems from Discomfort People generally avoid change until their current situation becomes too uncomfortable to bear. In relationships, this idea means that your ex may need to face the reality of being without you before they consider getting back together. Chasing or trying to convince them to return only reduces the discomfort they might otherwise feel, giving them a way to bypass the emotional reality of their decision. By stepping back and using a period of no contact, you allow your ex to feel the impact of the breakup. This distance can help them realize what it means to lose you and may even create a sense of uncertainty that challenges their original assumptions about ending things. 2. Balance the Power Dynamic At the point of separation, your ex likely felt they had control over both the relationship’s direction and the situation. They may have even felt they could come back whenever they wanted. Your goal should be to counter this sense of control by asserting your own boundaries and refusing to react emotionally or desperately. Maintain Dignity Through Distance: The period of no contact serves as a silent declaration of self-respect and composure. By withholding contact, you show your ex that you won’t accept being taken for granted and that you’re fully capable of thriving on your own. The quiet resolve may prompt them to think, “Are they really moving on?” or “Have I made a mistake?” Act in Unexpected Ways: If your ex thinks they know exactly how you’ll react—likely with clinginess or persistence—surprise them. Remaining composed or moving forward with confidence sends a message that you’re perfectly fine without them. This shift disrupts the original power dynamic and encourages them to rethink their decision. Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit 3. Embrace the Power of Mystery When a person acts predictably, they’re easy to understand. After a breakup, your ex likely thinks they know exactly how you’ll behave, and they may assume you’ll be single or consumed by thoughts of them. Showing them otherwise can be a valuable tool. Display Resilience in Your Own Life: Rather than allowing the breakup to control you, focus on activities that show personal growth. Pursue new hobbies, enjoy time with friends, and live life with genuine positivity. This behavior, when shared subtly, can prompt your ex to reconsider how they view you and the end of your relationship. Show that You’re Not Reaching Out: Most people expect some degree of pursuit after ending a relationship, especially if they were the ones in control. When you maintain distance, you create an aura of mystery. With no frequent updates or outreach, your ex may start questioning what you’re up to and whether they fully understood their feelings for you. 4. Let Them Question Whether Too Much Damage Was Done An important factor in creating a sense of emotional consequence is letting your ex wonder if the breakup might have made it impossible to reconcile. If they’re uncertain about where you stand, they may start reflecting on whether they’ve lost their chance with you altogether. This uncertainty can act as a catalyst, making them reconsider the decision to end things. Give Space for Reflection: In silence, you allow your ex to fill in the gaps. They might begin wondering, “Have I...