The Marriage Minute by Strong Marriages

The last time you and your spouse were fully engaged in a verbal disagreement, did you happen to make a comment to yourself that went something like, “This conflict is good because it’s a great opportunity for our marriage to become stronger?” Most of us (after we stopped chuckling), would answer with a resounding “I don’t think so!” In fact, many husbands and wives report they are really not good at dealing with conflict in their marriage. Most admit the majority of their arguments result...

On a scale from one to ten, with one representing the worst and ten the best, what score would you give yourself when it comes to how well you let others know you are listening when they speak? Just out of curiosity, would your spouse or others close to you agree with your response? As president of a ministry promoting and teaching how to have a strong marriage, I admit I should know the value of intentional listening. However, I also admit I consistently struggle in this area. Mainly...

Most likely, anyone who has ever attended weekly or monthly staff meetings can recall some unpleasant experience. According to a recent Harris poll, 46 percent of those polled admit they would rather do things like take a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles, watch paint dry or even endure a root canal than sit through a boring staff meeting. Additionally, 35% of attendees consider staff meetings a waste of time. So why do these Americans subject themselves to such agony? The answer is...

One of the ways our brains are like computers is that they encode and process new information with information already stored in memory. Just since the inception and continued use of brain imaging, have researchers been able to better understand the role of multi-tasking and its impact in our behavior. Relatively new research regarding cognitive processing confirms what many researchers have suspected for years - there truly is an upper limit to the amount of information a person can...

God created each of us to thrive best in community consisting of healthy relationships with family, friends, co-workers and even those we seem to disagree with constantly. That said, most of us would say the majority of our relationships with others are positive. Yet, almost every one of us can recall relationships where we have been emotionally scarred, and just the thought of these events makes it almost impossible to do life with them in our minds. So, why is it that even though the...

God created each of us to thrive best in community consisting of healthy relationships with family, friends, co-workers and even those we seem to disagree with constantly. That said, most of us would say the majority of our relationships with others are positive. Yet, almost every one of us can recall relationships where we have been emotionally scarred, and just the thought of these events makes it almost impossible to do life with them in our minds. So, why is it that even though the...

The summer before my sophomore year in high school, we moved to the country, just outside our city’s limits. One reason was for me and my brother to attend a more rural high school setting, but also because both my parents were ready to get back to their roots in some small way. My dad and mom both had spent much of their childhood on a farm and one of the things they missed most about not living in the country was being able to plant vegetables. Needless to say, that summer I intimately...

I spent a lot of time traveling for my job in the early years of our marriage. My wife Lynne constantly placed notes of affection or pictures in my luggage simply to remind me of how much she loved me. It was difficult being apart for many days at a time for almost 7 years. Over the years, we’ve been asked a number of times what we did to keep our marriage alive despite so many days apart. My answer is always the same, “It was the small things of affection.” My good friend Dr. John Trent...

Did you know that research has proven it typically takes less than one second for a person to make a judgment based solely on what they perceive in the facial expressions of the other person? If so, what does the look on your face communicate to others? If asked, would those whom you interact with consistently say you sometimes seem to be wearing a mask? Years ago, I discovered the Greek term for the word mask is persona. No where was this better illustrated than in Greek theatrical...

When I decided to return to college in September 2010, the most substantial mental hurdle I had to overcome was the thought of having to once again learn how to study and take exams. After all, it had been over 30 years since I opened a college text book. Yet, if I am being totally transparent, I wasn’t all that consistent about opening textbooks when I attended college back in the late 70’s! At any rate, if I had any chance of obtaining a degree, I had to learn how to study all over...

We humans are such creatures of habit—especially when we possess deep-rooted, fixed mindsets about something. In this case, we mean fixed mindsets involving specific aspects of our marriage. For example, suppose your spouse simply refuses to get ready in order to arrive on time to events that you attend together. Therefore, you simply refuse to attend any more events with them than what is necessary. Or what about spending money? Fixed mindsets occur when one spouse refuses to spend within...

Saying “I love you” to your spouse means so much more than simply expressing your romantic feelings. Research conducted in recent years actually reveals that saying the three words, “I love you,” also represents a commitment to future behavior. Meaning, when we sincerely tell our spouse “I love you,” we are committing to them that our behavior, both in their presence and when apart, will demonstrate unquestionable attitudes of love and the resolve to protect our covenant of marriage. Based...

Have you ever noticed how frustrated you become when you consistently allow your actions to follow your feelings? You know, like not getting out of bed because you don’t “feel” like it, even though you know there are many things you need to get done. Or, you stopped extending blessings to your spouse because you don’t “feel” like blessing them any more. Or maybe, your feeling of love for your spouse seems to have faded in recent years and now you're simply living together separate. Most of...

Have you ever considered why we so quickly assume negative intentions of others over positive intentions? While negative assumptions do not always get verbalized, most agree they tend to make negative assumptions in their mind about others. Our brains store the experiences of past events into either short-term or long-term memory. Therefore, when a person experiences something negative, it's only natural for them to assume the same negative results are likely should the environment become...

Almost every organization has a formal mission statement, which is basically a summary statement designed to communicate the purpose and goals of the organization. In more simple terms, a good mission statement will communicate to others what the organization is about and the direction they plan to go. Years ago, when we were creating a suitable mission statement for Strong Marriages, I did a little research and discovered the “Mission Statements” for many Fortune 500 companies. You know,...

I heard it said once that good friendship can be compared to standing in wet cement. The longer one stays in it, the more difficult it is to leave. And, even when the friend is not around, their footprint will always be left behind. When Lynne and I were first dating, we spent hours and hours simply hanging out with each other. There was certainly a physical attraction between us, but frankly we just enjoyed each other’s company and getting to know each other better. Within a few short...

Arguably, everyone of us has been asked how well we know a certain person. A few of the canned responses I have heard include things from “pretty good,” “fairly well,” “I have only met them once," “I wouldn't say were best friends," to “oh, we are just like brothers," or “I know them better than their blood relatives know them." So, have you ever really thought about what types of things a person must know about another individual in order to say they know them well? Is there some...

Little children seem fearless in so many ways, mainly because most of the time they know no difference. For example, a while back our daughter, son-in-law and infant granddaughter showed up one Saturday morning to eat breakfast. Shortly after we prayed over the meal, we looked over and our grandbaby had shoved so many scrambled eggs into her mouth her cheeks resembled those of a chipmunk’s full of acorns. Our daughter leaped from her chair to remove a portion of the eggs in fear that our...

Have you ever noticed how quickly a negative attitude seems to multiply, or the wide-spread damaging effects negative attitudes have on ourselves and others? By definition, an attitude is formed once a person assigns either a positive or negative impact to an evaluation they make of a behavior, event, issue, object, or person. You might already know, or at least find it interesting, that attitudes have a function! They exist primarily to guide a person’s behavior. Something else you might...

My mother was one of 10 kids in her family. All totaled, she had six sisters and three brothers. When you throw in their spouses, 37 first cousins, grandparents, and an occasional friend of the family, I assure you we had some pretty crazy Christmas celebrations. There was no way all of these people would fit in my grandparent's two-bedroom farmhouse, so instead, we would rent the community center in the small Texas town close to where they lived. I remember these gatherings because all the...