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How To!

Slate

You’ve got questions. Together, we get answers. We all need advice, but sometimes it’s hard to know where to turn. Each week, Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace bring a listener on to the show to solve their toughest problems with the help of world-class experts. It’s free therapy, and you’re invited.

Location:

United States

Networks:

Slate

Description:

You’ve got questions. Together, we get answers. We all need advice, but sometimes it’s hard to know where to turn. Each week, Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace bring a listener on to the show to solve their toughest problems with the help of world-class experts. It’s free therapy, and you’re invited.

Language:

English


Episodes

How To Let Go of a Friendship

2/27/2024
Our series about friendship ends with a look at, well, how friendships end. Alice and Grace connected when their kids started dating. They became fast friends whose family lives were intertwined—in a good way. They even joked that they might end up raising grandchildren together. When the kids broke up, Alice and Grace broke apart, too. Now, Alice is wondering whether she should fight for her cherished relationship or just move on. On today’s episode, Carvell Wallace brings on Carissa Potter, an author and artist who founded People I’ve Loved and hosts the podcast Bad at Keeping Secrets. Miss last week’s episode? Learn how to evolve your friendships. If you’re enjoying this series, check out our other friendship episodes: How To Find Your People How To Make Friends as an Adult How To Make Friends… Like a Man How To Talk to Strangers How To Show Up For a Friend With Cancer Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:31:17

How To Evolve a Friendship

2/20/2024
In part two of our series on friendship, we’re looking at how to revitalize a relationship that began in a previous phase of life. Michelle and Blair became fast friends in grad school. That bond survived graduation, marriages, and even a cross-country move. They now live just a short drive from one another—but things have never felt so distant. Michelle wants to know how to evolve their friendship to be more compatible with the present day. On today’s episode, Courtney Martin brings on Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center. Rhaina will help Michelle—and all of us—prepare for a daunting conversation. Miss last week’s episode? Learn how to expand your horizons with new, cross-generational friendships. If you’re enjoying this series, check out our other friendship episodes: How To Find Your People How To Make Friends as an Adult How To Make Friends… Like a Man How To Talk to Strangers How To Show Up For a Friend With Cancer Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:38:16

How To Find Friends in Unexpected Places

2/13/2024
Love typically reigns in February. But, here at How To!, we are giving friendship its due. For the next three episodes, we’re going to teach you how to find friends in surprising places, how to grow and change in your friendship during life transitions, and even how to recover from a friendship breakup. So today we’re starting with a potential cure for our epidemic of loneliness: intergenerational friendships. Emily is in her early 20s and has been rethinking who she considers to be potential friends. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Marci Alboher, a friend and VP at CoGenerate, an organization that brings generations together. She’s got some amazing tips for finding connections across ages. Make sure to tune in next week to learn how to evolve your friendship. In the meantime, check out: How To Find Your People How To Make Friends as an Adult How To Make Friends… Like a Man How To Talk to Strangers How To Show Up For a Friend With Cancer Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:44:39

How To Be a Mindful Drinker

2/6/2024
Dry January has come and gone, but the conversation about alcohol—and rethinking our relationship with it—is still very much with us. This week’s listener, Natalie, wants to move past the abundance vs. abstinence debate and talk about a third option: thoughtful moderation. In this episode, Courtney Martin brings on journalist Rosamund Dean, author of Mindful Drinking: How Cutting Down Can Change Your Life and Well, Well, Well, a Substack about living better, for longer. She shares how she found moderation through mindfulness—and how you can too. If you or someone you know is struggling with excessive drinking, consider contacting SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP. You can also find a local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting by visiting aa.org. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:40:38

How To Plan Your Next Adventure

2/3/2024
Travel can be thrilling, relaxing, even life-changing. But planning for your big trip? Not so much. There are so many unknowns: Where to go? When is the best time? How much do you want to spend? In this special episode of How To!, founding host Charles Duhigg brings in Brady Binstadt, owner and CEO of the adventure travel company Geographic Expeditions. Brady explains how to pick the right destination, when to splurge, and how to make sure everyone will have an amazing time. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Live Anywhere in the World Do you have a question we can help you solve? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:34:13

How To Be Free Of Body Shame

1/30/2024
We’re constantly getting bombarded with messages about our bodies: They’re too big. They’re too small. They’re not muscular enough, not curvy enough, and so on and so on. Rebecca has lived in a bigger body all her life and she wants the messaging to stop. She’s done all the things—followed plus-size influencers, deemphasized weight from her health goals, tried to rewire how she thinks about weight. But it’s just not working. In this episode, Carvell Wallace brings in Ronald Young Jr., host of Weight For It. Ronald challenges the notion that we need to love our bodies and helps Rebecca navigate away from stigmatized “fixes” and toward a place of acceptance. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Eat Whatever You Want and How To Love Your Face. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson. Special thanks to Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:47:46

How To Stop Snoring and Breathe Easier (Encore)

1/23/2024
Andrew snores so badly that his cats won’t sleep in the same room as him. He’s desperate to sleep better at night, and breathe more easily during the day. On this episode of How To!, we bring on James Nestor, author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, to share the history of why we breathe the way we do. Turns out being a “mouth-breather” is more than just an insult, it’s harmful to our health. James gives Andrew some nasal breathing exercises to improve his snoring, anxiety, and overall wellness. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Sleep.” Do you have a problem you can’t get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rachael Allen, and Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:30:49

How To Make Small Talk Feel Big

1/16/2024
Small talk has a bad reputation. It’s boring, shallow, and awkward. Who really wants to talk about the weather, again? But, when done right, it can be a cornerstone of connection. In this episode, Carvell Wallace is joined by Susan McPherson, the author of The Lost Art of Connecting. Susan is going to help our listener, Bee, navigate the uncomfortable small talk that she endures everyday at school pickup. Along the way, we’ll learn what questions to have in our back pocket, how to turn small talk into big talk, and even how to extract ourselves from conversations that are going on too long. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Talk to Strangers and How To Make Humor Your Superpower Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:37:30

How To Keep Caring Amid Endless Crises

1/9/2024
Sometimes reading our news feeds can feel like getting hit by a semi-truck of devastating information, without really knowing how to respond. We can’t always tune the world out, which means we need to figure out how to be an empathetic person within the chaos. In this episode, Courtney Martin is joined by public theologian and best-selling author, Nadia Bolz-Weber, as well as artist and activist, Jen Bloomer. Together they explore what it means to actually respond to tragedy and injustice. LINKS: Jen Bloomer’s artwork Valerie Kaur’s book See No Strangers If you liked this episode, check out: How To Have a Healthier News Diet: Part 1 and Part 2. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:39:04

How To Age Like an Elite Athlete

1/2/2024
When he’s not working on How To! or coaching his daughter’s basketball team, our producer Derek John loves to play in pickup games with friends. But a serious on-court injury has kept him on the sidelines for months. Now, as he prepares to return to the sport he loves, Derek is seeking tips on how to prolong his playing days while avoiding another injury. In this episode, author Jeff Bercovici joins Carvell Wallace and Derek to share insights from his book, Play On: The New Science of Elite Performance at Any Age. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Trick Your Brain Into Running Longer. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson. This episode was produced by Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:42:09

How To Cook One Perfect Meal (Encore)

12/26/2023
Jonny is a 26 year-old bachelor whose cooking often leads to heartache (and for one ex-girlfriend, a stomach ache). Jonny admits he’s a klutz in the kitchen, so we hooked him up with Sam Sifton, cookbook raconteur and head of the New York Times’s Cooking section. In this episode of How To! we see if we can teach our love-lorn Millennial to cook one perfect meal. Is romantic bliss just a well-browned chicken thigh away? (Recipe included!) Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:34:06

Our Favorite Advice of 2023

12/19/2023
Here at How To! headquarters, we give and receive a lot of good advice. This year we learned to love our faces, started reading again, aced an interview, dealt with difficult parents, said goodbye to our pets, cooked chaotically, moved to a new country, navigated adult autism, and breathed like Navy SEALs. On this episode, co-hosts Carvell Wallace and Courtney Martin are joined by former host Amanda Ripley. They break down their favorite advice of the year and share some surprising updates from folks who were on the show. Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:38:18

How To Transition From Soldier to Civilian

12/12/2023
Dan enlisted in the Army in 2003 during the early phase of the U.S. wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. He just retired after 20 years of service—and is adjusting to myriad challenges of civilian life while also managing PTSD, ADHD and new sobriety. On this episode of How To!, Bob Beard of Arizona State University’s Center for Science and the Imagination joins us to talk about a new program that’s helping veterans like Dan plan for the distant future using science fiction, conceptual art, and strategies employed by Fortune 500 companies. If you liked this episode, check out How To Breathe Like a Navy SEAL. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:37:22

How To Face the A.I. Revolution (Encore)

12/9/2023
If you haven’t heard of ChatGPT, chances are you will soon. Maybe you’ve tried casually playing with the artificial intelligent chatbot. Maybe you’ve tried avoiding it. Or maybe ChatGPT is the new host of this podcast and you haven’t realized it yet. Either way, we’re on the precipice of a new, powerful technology. On this episode of How To!, co-hosts Carvell Wallace and Amanda Ripley join forces to talk through all things artificial intelligence. They bring on Kevin Roose, tech columnist for the New York Times and co-host of the Times’ podcast, Hard Fork. He will explain how A.I. chatbots work, how to use them for good, how they may be used for, well, not so good, and what you should do if it starts hitting on you. If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Beat Hackers at Their Own Game.” Do you wonder how best to use your time? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:39:21

How To Carve Out Creative Time

12/5/2023
Allison is on the hunt for her next hobby. One that’s satisfying. One that she can stick with. One that will fit into her family’s very busy schedule. Except…maybe she’s thinking about that last part all wrong. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space. Eve argues that drawing—and defending—boundaries for individual, creative pursuits is necessary for living a fulfilled life. She’ll share how to balance domestic labor in order to carve out creative space and pick something that makes your soul sing. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Stop “Having It All” (Before You End Up With Nothing) Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:43:18

How To Grieve an Estranged Parent

11/28/2023
A parent’s main job is to protect. But what happens when your parent doesn’t protect you? What happens when they not only let bad things happen to you, but they doubt and dismiss you when you ask them for help? Our listener, Haylie, decided to go no-contact with her father after multiple attempts to reconcile their relationship. Now she wants to know how to grieve the death of the relationship. On this episode of How To!, Patrick Teahan, licensed clinical social worker and childhood trauma therapist, joins us to explain why cutting off a parent is so difficult, why we grieve these relationships, and how to start healing. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Walk Away from an Impossible Parent Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Jabari Butler. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:47:33

How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships (Encore)

11/21/2023
On a recent phone call Shannon’s mom didn’t mince words: The only way she’d vote for Joe Biden is if Jesus himself comes down and tells her to. Growing up in a conservative household, Shannon understands her parents’ support for Trump. But she no longer sees eye-to-eye with them and every time they talk about politics it turns into a fight. The result is a complete fraying of their relationship. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Bill Doherty, professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, and co-founder of the non-profit Braver Angels, to help Shannon and her parents navigate this heated election season. The most important thing to remember, Bill says, is that you can’t change your parents’ minds. But you can still save your relationship by recognizing shared values and treating each other as people, not political opponents. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Get a Stubborn Parent to Listen.” Do you have a relationship you’d like to mend? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:34:39

How To Get Through Menopause

11/14/2023
Hot flashes, fatigue, and vaginal dryness were some of Katie’s first clues that her body was changing. Half the population will experience menopause, yet misinformation still abounds—with doctors ill-prepared to talk to patients about this major life transition. On this episode of How To!, journalist Susan Dominus joins us to share the knowledge she gained from working on her viral magazine piece, “Women Have Been Misled About Menopause.” She explains why women’s pain has been ignored for so long, where to look for information, and how to connect with others during this confusing phase of life. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Make Aging Easier for Everyone. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Resources mentioned: “If Men Could Menstruate” by Gloria Steinem What Fresh Hell Is This?: Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You by Heather Corinna The Menopause Manifesto: Own Your Health with Facts and Feminism by Dr. Jen Gunter Hot Flash Sonnets by Moira Egan Alloy Midi How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Jabari Butler. By the way, Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds! Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:48:03

How To Build a Marriage That Lasts

11/7/2023
To celebrate their third wedding anniversary, Anjali and Rahul are each selecting a surprise activity to do together. This happy couple loves spontaneity, so they’re concerned about someday growing bored in their relationship. They’re also feeling pressure to mark the traditional milestones of marriage, including having kids. On this episode of How To!, authors Caryl and Jay Casbon join us to share the wisdom they gained from interviewing other married couples for their book Side by Side. The Casbons draw upon their own 22-year marriage to urge Anjali and Rahul to face conflict with openness and focus on individual “inner work”—in order to grow together. Learn more about Caryl and Jay Casbon here. If you liked this episode, check out an episode that Anjali loved: How To Decide Whether to Have a Baby with Wild author Cheryl Strayed. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Jabari Butler. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:45:24

How To Hit “Reset” on Your Career

10/31/2023
Our listener Abdullah has reached a plateau. A mid-career manager at a large electronics engineering corporation, he feels intellectually unstimulated. Even though Abdullah has a stable job with seniority, he dreams of going back to school and pursuing his true passion: economics. But with a family to support, should Abdullah make a risky leap? On this episode of How To!, host Carvell Wallace is joined by Freakonomics co-author and University of Chicago economist Steven Levitt. Well-known for out-of-the-box thinking, Levitt shares surprising tips (including a simple coin flip strategy) that can help anyone on the edge of a huge decision. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Know When to Quit Your Job Do you have a question we can help you solve? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. We might invite you on the show! Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Kevin Bendis, Derek John, Joel Meyer, and Rosemary Belson. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duration:00:39:21