Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting

How can adults steer teens away from marijuana in states where the drug is now legal? A parent writes in asking for guidance on raising teens in a community where pot use is wide-spread and normalized. To complicate matters, the parent uses recreational cannabis at home but worries, appropriately, about how early experimentation with the drug could compromise her teens’ safety and well-being. Dr. Lisa and Reena address several crucial questions: What are the risks associated with adolescent marijuana use? How do adults have effective conversations with teens about the potential harms of using pot? And how do we help our teens make good choices now that we are raising them in a cannabis-friendly world? Listen to Reena's interview with Education Secretary Miguel Cardona on FAFSA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnobVC432HE Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you respond when your child is being bullied? A concerned parent writes in about her 12-year-old daughter who is being taunted by three older boys on the school bus. Dr. Lisa unpacks the dynamics of bullying and answers several key questions: What’s the difference between conflict and bullying? Why do kids bully? What is the impact of being bullied? How and when should adults step in? The conversation addresses the step-by-step process adults should consider when addressing bullying in order to not make the situation worse. Reena asks what adults can do to support children who are being mistreated by their peers and what really works to prevent bullying. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes in about her 17-year-old son who is reeling from a tough breakup with his long-time girlfriend. As the teen faces the transition to college and grapples with intense sadness his parents have several questions: Should they be concerned about his reaction? How can they support him, especially when he shuts them out? And must high school sweethearts part ways before college? Dr. Lisa describes the many ways that adults can help teens cope with heartbreak including offering empathy, providing comfort, helping the teen establish healthy boundaries with the ex, and more. Reena asks if there’s any way to prevent heartbreak in teens and the conversation covers how best to help young people navigate the loss of their first love. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Lisa and Reena respond to a letter from a parent who feels uneasy about her ten-year-old’s sudden interest in expensive skin care products. The parent finds herself stuck between two bad options: buying her daughter products that are costly and unnecessary, or being at odds with her daughter because she refuses to do so. Dr. Lisa and Reena unpack the many forces that come together - some new, some age-old - to drive the current trend of tweens and teens taking an interest in high-end skin care routines. Their conversation addresses how kids’ interest in luxury skin care can open up critical conversations about peer pressure, social media marketing, and unrealistic beauty standards. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s not always comfortable to talk with our kids about pornography - but it’s something all parents need to do. Indeed, research shows that 12 is the average age at which kids first encounter pornography, and that by age 18, 79% of teens have been exposed to violent porn. Dr. Lisa and Reena address how it is that so many kids end up seeing pornography and the harms associated with viewing it. They also provide clear, actionable guidance on raising this delicate subject with kids and what to say once the conversation gets going. Before the episode ends, Reena gets practical tips from Dr. Lisa on making these discussions less uncomfortable for both parents and their children. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Illicit fentanyl has contaminated the drug landscape and is causing record deaths among young people. How should parents talk with their teens about this fast-moving crisis? What can we say to help keep our kids safe? In this critically important episode, Dr. Lisa and Reena are joined by Ed Ternan and Marcia Lee Taylor of Song for Charlie, a national non-profit dedicated to raising awareness about the dangers of fentanyl. Ed, who tragically lost his 22 year-old son to a counterfeit prescription pill, and Marcia, former President and CEO of the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids, cover the basics about fentanyl and offer concrete guidance on how to have effective conversations with teens about its dangers. Be sure to check out The New Drug Talk resources available at their website: www.songforcharlie.org Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A concerned parent seeks Dr. Lisa's guidance on building and maintaining a connection with her teenage son. Despite efforts to spend quality time together, most family activities are met with resistance. The parent wonders if it’s normal for her 15-year-old son and, more recently, her 11-year-old daughter, to hold their parents at a distance. Dr. Lisa and Reena explore the challenges of enforcing family time and suggest alternative approaches that can work. The episode answers several key questions, including: Is having dinner together sufficient to strengthen family bonds? How do parents foster connection during the turbulent teen years? And when it is time to worry about a teen’s reluctance to spend time with the family? Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A devoted parent seeks advice on whether her 15-year-old daughter should be on birth control. Despite having open discussions about many topics, the daughter - who is in a long-term and intense heterosexual relationship - refuses to discuss contraception. Dr. Lisa weighs in on how to talk with teens about readiness for physical intimacy, and how to get teens to be open to awkward, (but necessary) conversations about their developing love lives. Reena asks if fifteen is too young to be having sex and how else parents might broach the subject of safe sex with teens. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When should parents be concerned about a teen who resists making social plans and chooses to hang out at home instead? A parent writes asking if she should be worried about her introverted son. He excels academically, has a job, and exercises regularly, But he chooses to spend weekends at home playing on his phone or working on his computer. While he has friends, he rarely initiates plans with them and makes up excuses for not joining their activities. As the end of high school approaches, his mother worries about his ability to connect with peers when he gets to college. Dr. Lisa walks us through the complexities of introversion and extroversion and explains how loving adults can best support teens who enjoy spending a lot of time alone. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Can we boost our sense of happiness and overall well-being? Why do some individuals not only survive - but thrive - in the face of life's challenges? Dr. Sue Varma, a psychiatrist and cognitive behavioral therapist joins us on the publication day of her new book, Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being to answer these questions and more. The conversation explores Dr. Varma's 4 Ms of mental health - mood, mastery, meaning, and mindset - and addresses what Dr. Varma learned from 9/11 survivors about how to be resilient, even in the wake of trauma. Before the episode ends, Dr. Varma details the daily habits that lead to lasting, positive change in our sense of well-being. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There’s a growing concern shared by many adults: How do we help teenagers make sense of mental health misinformation on social media? Dr. Lisa and Reena respond to a letter from a parent worried that content on TikTok has led her teenage daughter to diagnose herself with OCD and ADHD. This episode explores the potential benefits and risks of learning about mental health through social media, how self-diagnosing can - at times - be harmful to teens, and how talking in diagnostic terms plays out in peer interactions. Dr. Lisa explains what adults can do to have productive conversations with kids about the psychological information they find online. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

An incredibly thoughtful question from a 14-year-old in the United Kingdom helps us look at the complexities of teen friendships. The letter writer asks about the challenge of wanting to distance from a friend without being unkind. Should teenagers be encouraged to have candid conversations with friends about their feelings, or is there a more nuanced approach that minimizes hurt feelings? How do we teach kids to be compassionate while establishing personal boundaries? Dr. Lisa and Reena discuss the balance between directness and sensitivity, how to accomplish a “polite distance,” and how adults sometimes contribute, unwittingly, to painful social dynamics. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A mom writes in concerned about the fact that her 13-year-old son has developed an interest in bulking up. Though he's an active kid, he sees himself as "scrawny" and has decided to hit the weight room hard. When does a healthy interest in getting fit and building strength verge into unhealthy territory? Dr. Lisa and Reena answer this question and more as they dive into the research on boys and body obsession, consider differences among racial and ethnic groups, and detail the worst-case scenario. Most important, this episode covers what parents and caregivers should do when worried about their kids’ obsession with body image and fitness. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Special guest Dr. Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist and podcast host, discusses her new book, "The Five Principles of Parenting," with Dr. Lisa and Reena. Dr. Pressman introduces five key components of helping children thrive: Relationship, Reflection, Regulation, Rules, and Repair. While there is no such thing as a perfect approach to parenting, Dr. Pressman explains why giving thought to one’s personal values can help you and your kids navigate difficult moments. This episode also addresses how adults can help kids regulate their emotions, build independence, and become good humans. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s never easy to decide to end a marriage. Parents want to protect their kids as the divorce process unfolds and want to help them navigate changing family dynamics. Dr. Lisa discusses how kids process divorce at different ages and the importance of helping your children feel secure and loved while shielding them from conflict. Dr. Lisa and Reena also address how to help kids understand that the break up was not their fault. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parents often find themselves caught between frightening headlines about the dangers of social media and kids who want access to it. Dr. Lisa and Reena address a letter from a parent of three - ages 9, 12, and 14 - asking for guidance. Drawing on research findings and clinical experience, this episode covers when to consider allowing social media, sensible rules for responsible use, the role of gender, and how to minimize social media’s downsides. Dr. Lisa and Reena offer insights, tips, and practical strategies for parents who are navigating the challenging waters of social media. Tune in for realistic and informed advice on safeguarding your child's digital well-being. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Happy New Year! As we turn to making New Year’s resolutions, Dr. Lisa would like us to approach 2024 in a fresh way: instead of trying to “optimize” ourselves by making the most of every minute, she suggests that we focus on restoration. Why? Because the inevitable stress of daily life can actually help us grow if we get serious about how we recover. Dr. Lisa and Reena dive into why we need to prioritize restoration, how restoration differs from coping, and why guilt-soaked restoration doesn’t work at all. Tune in for actionable insights and research-based guidance on how you and your family can prevent burnout and thrive in 2024! Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why are tweens and teens sometimes so cruel to their younger siblings? This is a common dynamic in family life, and one that can get worse over the holidays when siblings spend a lot of time together. Dr. Lisa takes us inside the adolescent brain and explains how the onset of puberty can make it hard for kids to control their emotions. She and Reena also address the place of gendered dynamics in sibling interactions, how not to shame kids when they’ve crossed a line, and what parents can do during or after a big blowout to prevent lasting harm. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What can parents try when we can’t get our kids to do what we ask? Dr. Lisa and Reena unpack how to motivate kids without nagging or yelling and discuss when bribery might be an effective strategy to consider. Their conversation also answers several key questions: How do you respond to a kid who reflexively says “no” to everything you suggest? Is it okay to bribe kids to improve their grades? What other incentives really work and when should they be used? Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When a teen tells us about a peer’s risky behavior, what’s the right thing to do? Should we keep our teen’s confidence, or should we alert the parents of the kid we are worried about? Dr. Lisa and Reena tackle a letter from a parent who has built a strong sense of trust with her teens and often hears about dangerous behavior - including substance use and worrisome sexual activity - happening in their peer group. Dr. Lisa offers her practical parenting wisdom on when it makes sense to just listen, when it’s time to act, and how to move forward without breaking trust with one’s own teen or making the situation worse. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices