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The Art of Manliness


The Art of Manliness Podcast aims to deepen and improve every area of a man's life, from fitness and philosophy, to relationships and productivity. Engaging and edifying interviews with some of the world's most interesting doers and thinkers drop the fluff and filler to glean guests' very best, potentially life-changing, insights.


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The Art of Manliness Podcast aims to deepen and improve every area of a man's life, from fitness and philosophy, to relationships and productivity. Engaging and edifying interviews with some of the world's most interesting doers and thinkers drop the fluff and filler to glean guests' very best, potentially life-changing, insights.




The Real Reason You Procrastinate

If you or someone you know has a problem with procrastination, you've probably chalked it up to a deficiency in time management skills or self-control. But my guest says there are deeper reasons underlying procrastination, and he'll unpack what they are today on the show. Joseph Ferrari is a Catholic deacon, a professor of psychology, and a foremost researcher and expert on procrastination who has authored or co-authored 400 professional articles and 35 books and textbooks. Today on the show, Dr. Ferrari explains the psychological dynamics behind procrastination and what you can do to counter them. He also shares the difference between regular and chronic procrastination, which of your parents you probably got your propensity to procrastinate from, and how procrastination can manifest in indecision. Resources Related to the Podcast Still Procrastinating: The No Regrets Guide to Getting It DoneProcrastination and Task Avoidance: Theory, Research, and TreatmentCounseling the Procrastinator in Academic SettingsAoM Article:Stop Procrastinating Today With Behavioral ScienceAoM Podcast #444: How to Use the Procrastination Equation to Start Getting Things DoneAoM Article: Get Better Without Torturing Yourself — The Power of Temptation BundlingConnect With Dr. Joseph Ferrari Joseph's faculty page


Break Your Bad Habits by Escaping the Scarcity Loop

Everyone has some bad habits, and they nearly always involve doing something too much. Eating too much, drinking too much, buying too much, looking at your phone too much. Why do we have such a propensity for overdoing it? My guest says it's all thanks to a "scarcity loop" that we're hardwired to follow. Once you understand how this loop works, you can start taking action to resist the compulsive cravings that sabotage your life. Michael Easter is the author of Scarcity Brain: Fix Your Craving Mindset and Rewire Your Habits to Thrive with Enough. Today on the show, Michael unpacks the three parts of the scarcity loop, and how they've been amplified in the modern day. We talk about the slot machine lab that corporations use to hack your brain, why your main problem may be that you're understimulated rather than overstimulated, why addiction may be better thought of as a symptom rather than a disease, how the quantification and gamification of life can negatively impact your experience of it, and how ultimately, the fix for resisting your bad habits is having something better to do than chase the cheap, unsatisfying hits of pleasure our culture so readily offers. Resources Related to the Podcast Michael's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #708 — Overcome the Comfort CrisisAoM Article: Via Negativa — Adding to Your Life By SubtractingResearch of Thomas ZentallResearch of C. Thi NguyenSally SatelMaia SzalavitzAoM Article: The Groundhog Day Diet — Why I Eat the Same Thing Every DayAoM Podcast #636: Why You Overeat and What to Do About ItSunday Firesides: Tidying Up Our Gilded CagesConnect With Michael Easter Michael’s websiteMichael on InstagramMichael on Twitter


Can You Trust Happiness Studies?

How to be happier is a topic covered in countless books, blogs, and podcasts. Consume enough of this content and you repeatedly come across the same recommendations that have purportedly been proven to increase happiness: exercise, spend time in nature, meditate, socialize, and practice gratitude. But is there actual scientific evidence that these strategies work? Today on the show, we'll find out what professor of social psychology Elizabeth Dunn discovered when she did a study of happiness studies, and what the surprising findings have to do with the "replication crisis" that's occurred in science. In the second half of our conversation, Elizabeth shares the takeaways of a few well-vetted happiness studies she's done herself, including how to spend your money and use technology to increase happiness. And we discuss how to apply these findings, and the findings of all happiness studies, in a wise way that takes into account your unique personality and peculiarities. After the show is over, check out the show notes at Resources Related Study by Elizabeth Dunn and Dunigan Folk: "A systematic review of the strength of evidence for the most commonly recommended happiness strategies in mainstream media"Happy Money by Elizabeth Dunn and Michael NortonAoM Article: How to Choose What Advice to TakeConnect With Elizabeth Dunn Elizabeth's websiteElizabeth on X


For a Better Work Out, Think Like a Kid

According to some estimates, only 5% of people in the West get the recommended amount of daily physical activity. Is the solution getting a fitness tracker, developing more discipline, or buying a piece of cardio equipment for your basement? My guest would say none of the above, and would have you think about kids playing at recess instead. Darryl Edwards is the founder of the Primal Play Method. Today on the show, we discuss the epidemic of sedentariness which besets both adults and children and why technology and willpower isn’t the cure for it. Darryl then explains why a better solution to getting more movement and physical activity in our lives is rediscovering the intrinsically motivating pleasure of play. He offers suggestions on how to do that, including compiling a play history for your life, embracing “primal movements” that will get you moving like an animal and a child, and getting over the fear of looking goofy while doing so. We discuss the joys and health benefits of exploring your capabilities and environment and how to incorporate more movement into your busy adult life by making even regular activities more playful. Resources Related to the Podcast Animal Moves: How to Move Like an Animal to Get You Leaner, Fitter, Stronger and Healthier for LifeMy First Animal Moves: A Children’s Book to Encourage Kids and Their Parents to Move More, Sit Less and Decrease Screen TimeAoM Article: Get Fit Like a Wild Man — A Primer on MovNatAoM Article: The 10 Physical Skills Every Man Should MasterAoM Article: The Importance of Having a Physical IdentityAoM Article: 30 Days to a Better Man Day 24 — Play!AoM Podcast #508: Break Out of Your Cage and Stop Being a Human Zoo AnimalAoM Podcast #245: The Workout the World ForgotAoM Podcast #749: Let the Children Play!Connect With Darryl Edwards Primal Play websiteDarryl on FBDarryl on IG


Beyond Lazy Learning — The Keys to Gaining and Retaining Knowledge

Ever wondered why, after hours of reading and highlighting, you still feel unprepared for that big test? Or why, shortly after a work training, you can’t remember much of what was said and how to apply it? Or why you have trouble comprehending a difficult book? Whether you’re a student studying for exams, an employee trying to learn the ropes at a new job, or someone who’s into personal study, learning effectively is hugely important in increasing your capacity and knowledge. Unfortunately, most of what people do to learn simply doesn’t work. Here to unlock the superior, research-backed strategies that will help you harness the potential of your brain is Daniel Willingham, a professor of psychology and the author of Outsmart Your Brain. Today on the show, Daniel explains why the default way that our brains want to learn doesn’t work, and how to approach learning by both reading and listening more effectively. We discuss how to get more out of your reading, including whether you should highlight, whether speed reading is effective, the optimal method for taking notes during a lecture, the best way to cement things into memory, and much more. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM Article: How and Why to Become a Lifelong LearnerAoM Article: How to Read a BookAoM Article: How to Read Long and Difficult BooksAoM Podcast #677: The Value of Learning New Skills in AdulthoodAoM Article: Ace Your Exams — Study Tactics of the Successful Gentleman ScholarAoM Article: Write This Down: Note-Taking Strategies for Academic SuccessConnect With Daniel Willingham Daniel’s websiteDaniel on XDaniel on TikTok


The 5 Shifts of Manhood

In the Apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he wrote, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” What does putting away the ways of childhood and stepping into manhood look like? My guest says it requires making five key shifts in mindset and perspective. His name is Jon Tyson, and he’s a pastor and the creator of the Primal Path, a rite of passage geared toward helping boys become men. Today on the show, Jon and I unpack the five shifts of manhood and how parents and mentors can help young men make them and move from immaturity to maturity. Resources Related to the Podcast Jon’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #810 — How to Turn a Boy Into a ManThe Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character by Jon TysonAoM Article: What Is Manliness?Adam’s Return: The Five Promises of Male Spirituality by Richard RohrAoM Podcast #708: Overcome the Comfort CrisisRadical Candor by Kim Scott“The Courage to Face Ingratitude” by William George Jordan “This Is Water” by David Foster WallaceThe 33 Marks of MaturityConnect With Jon Tyson Primal PathForming MenJon on IG


When the Game Was War — Lessons From the Greatest NBA Season of All Time

While there may be some heated rivalries in today's NBA, the ferocity of competition doesn't compare to the hard-hitting contests that took place during the 1987-1988 season, when four rising and falling dynasties — the Celtics, Lakers, Pistons, and Bulls — battled it out for supremacy. Here to illuminate that epic era in basketball and share what can be learned from it is Rich Cohen, author of When the Game Was War: The NBA's Greatest Season. Today on the show, Rich makes a case for why there's never be a season before or since like the one that played out in '87 and '88, and he profiles the players — Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Isiah Thomas, and Michael Jordan — who dominated that season and changed the game. Along the way, we talk about the life lessons that can be taken from these players and their teams, including the rules legendary coach Phil Jackson gave the Bulls, which were inspired by the jazz musician Thelonious Monk. Resources Related to the Podcast Rich's last appearance on the AoM podcast:Episode #817 — Life Lessons From the World’s Greatest NegotiatorThe Last Dance on NetflixWinning Time on HBOAoM Article: Competition — The Fuel for GreatnessSunday Firesides: Your Worst Competitor Is YouAoM Podcast #790: Kierkegaard on the Present (Passionless) Age"The Moods of Ernest Hemingway" by Lillian RossConnect With Rich Cohen Rich's websiteRich on Twitter


How to Develop Rugged Flexibility

Change is a constant. Changes big and small are always happening in our lives, while the world also changes around us. We can either resist these changes as unmooring threats to our sense of self, or embrace them as chances to get better and stronger. The key to taking that second approach, my guest says, is developing rugged flexibility. His name is Brad Stulberg, and he's the author of Master of Change: How to Excel When Everything Is Changing – Including You. Today on the show, Brad unpacks why allostasis is a better model for dealing with disruption than homeostasis, and how healthy change moves in a cycle of order, disorder, and reorder. We then discuss ways to move through this cycle with rugged flexibility — an approach to life that keeps some things solid and stable, while letting others change and flow. We talk about the importance of adopting a being versus having orientation, managing your expectations, diversifying your identity, and more. Resources Related to the Podcast Brad's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: #491: Everything You Know About Passion is Wrong"The Case for a Tragic Optimism" by Viktor FranklNew Dad Survival Guide: The MindsetAoM Podcast #527: Male Spirituality and the Journey to the Second Half of Life With Richard RohrAoM Article: How Labeling Your Emotions Can Help You Take ControlAoM Podcast #690: The Life Philosophy of Bruce LeeSunday Firesides: Build Your Life Upon Multiple Pillars of SupportSunday Firesides: Feelings Follow ActionConnect With Brad Stulberg Brad's websiteBrad on IG


Take Back the Weekend

Note: This is a rebroadcast. Do you ever get to feeling kind of down, dejected, and anxious come Sunday evening? People refer to this phenomenon as the “Sunday Night Blues,” and it’s a common experience. You may have chalked it up to rueing the fact that your fun and restful weekend is over, and that you have yet another workweek ahead. But my guest would say that your Sunday night sadness may also be rooted in the feeling of regret — the regret that you didn’t put your weekend to good use, that it wasn’t restful and fun, and that it was instead busy, draining, and, once again, a big letdown. Her name is Katrina Onstad, and she’s the author of The Weekend Effect. Today Katrina shares how the idea of the weekend, of having two back-to-back days off from work, came about, and how it’s been challenged and subsequently eroded in the modern day. We then talk about how to take back your weekends, so that your invaluable Saturdays and Sundays feel more the way they did when you were a kid — filled with a sense of possibility. Resources Related to the Podcast Saint MondayHaymarket square affairAoM Podcast #602: The Case for Being UnproductiveAoM Podcast #450: How to Make Time for What Really MattersAoM Podcast #748: Time Management for MortalsAoM Podcast #743: How to Get Time, Priorities, and Energy Working in Your FavorAoM Article: How to Better Manage Your Life AdminAoM Article: The Rise of SpectatoritisAoM Article: The Lost Art of Cheap RecreationConnect With Katrina Onstad Katrina’s Website


Leadership Is Overrated

When an organization wants to get more productive and better reach its goals, it typically looks to retool its leadership, trying to find lone figures who can apply more effective top-down control. But my guest says there’s a much more effective strategy for getting things done: creating and empowering teams of self-starters. Kyle Buckett is a retired Navy SEAL, an executive consultant, and the co-author of Leadership Is Overrated: How the Navy SEALs (and Successful Businesses) Create Self-Leading Teams That Win. Today on the show, Kyle first unpacks the problems with the conventional model of leadership. He then explains what the self-led team-oriented model looks like and some of the ways to create effective self-led teams, including “killing the leader” and establishing a ritual-laden culture. We also talk about the role a leader can still play in an organization. Along the way, Kyle shares stories both from history and his experience as a SEAL that illustrate why self-led teams are so effective at getting things done. Resources Related to the Podcast Belgian Antarctic ExpeditionAoM Article: What the Race to the South Pole Can Teach You About How to Achieve Your GoalsAoM Podcast #695: Sisu, the Finnish Art of StrengthAoM Article: Got Sisu? Essential Guerrilla Tactics from the Finnish Winter WarConnect With Kyle Buckett Culture Force/Leadership Is Overrated Website


For Whom The Bell Tolls

Ernest Hemingway's classic novel, For Whom the Bell Tolls, is often designated as one of the greatest books about war ever written and has appeared on the Marine Corps recommended reading list. Today on the show, I unpack For Whom the Bell Tolls with Hemingway scholar Mark Cirino. We discuss the background of the novel, its themes, and the literary techniques Hemingway employed in writing it. We end our conversation with our picks for the "one true sentence" in the book. Resources Related to the Podcast Mark's last appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #786 — The Writing Life of Ernest HemingwayAoM Podcast #219: The Real Life Story of Hemingway and The Sun Also RisesErnest Hemingway: Thought in Action by Mark CirinoOne True Sentence: Writers & Readers on Hemingway’s Art edited by Michael Von Cannon and Mark CirinoAoM Podcast #871: Jane Austen for DudesMark Salter's appearance on the One True Podcast“Big Two-Hearted River” by Ernest HemingwayConnect With Mark Cirino One True PodcastOne True Podcast on Twitter


How to Use the Principles of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to Overcome Obstacles in Business and Life

In Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, there are certain principles like timing, leverage, and positioning that practitioners must master to successfully overcome an opponent. My guest has found that these same principles that allow someone to be successful on the mat, also apply to being successful outside of it. Rener Gracie is the co-owner and head instructor of Gracie University and the author of The 32 Principles: Harnessing the Power of Jiu-Jitsu to Succeed in Business, Relationships, and Life. Today on the show, Rener shares how he’s used some of the core teachings of jiu-jitsu, like the Pyramid Principle and the River Principle, in his business, and how you can use them to grapple with all kinds of obstacles in life. Resources Related to the Podcast Part 1 — The HistoryPart 2 — The Basics IPart 3 — The Basics IIPart 4 — The PhilosophyRener‘s last appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #446: How Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Will Make You a Better ManGracie University’s 32 Principles of Jiu-Jitsu Video CourseSunday Firesides: Secure Your BaseAoM Article: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be UnderstoodConnect With Rener Gracie The 32 Principles book websiteRener on IGRener on X


Is Cannabis a Safe Drug?

Over the last decade, cannabis use has been legalized in more states. At the same time, the idea that marijuana is a safe drug has steadily increased. But is this an accurate perception? Recent research by my guest, Dr. Ryan Sultan, a professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, casts some doubt on a universally affirmative answer to that question, and he says we need to be having a more objective, balanced, and nuanced conversation around cannabis than we currently are. We have exactly that kind of conversation today on the show. We dig into the fact that young adulta are the group most vulnerable to the potentially negative effects of cannabis and how marijuana use in adolescence is linked to both mental illness and cognitive deficits. Dr. Sultan unpacks how cannabis impacts the developing brain and may lead to schizophrenia, especially in males. We also talk about whether if you used marijuana as a young adult and then stopped, your brain can still recover, and a cannabis-related health concern for all ages that doesn’t concern the brain. We end our show with Dr. Sultan’s take on what the safe use of cannabis looks like for adults. Resources Related to the Podcast Dr. Sultan’s study: “Nondisordered Cannabis Use Among US Adolescents”Recent study on the association between cannabis use and schizophreniaConnect With Dr. Ryan Sultan The Sultan Lab at Columbia UniversityDr. Sultan's practice: Integrative Psych


Advice on Making Love Last . . . From a Divorce Lawyer

If you want insight on how to make love last, you might ask friends, family, a therapist, or a pastor for advice. You probably wouldn't think to turn to a divorce lawyer. But my guest, James Sexton, who does that very job in New York City, says there may be few people who have a better perspective on how to hold a marriage together, than the guy who's got a front row seat to how they fall apart. James is the author of If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late: A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together, and today on the show he shares what he's learned from overseeing over a thousand divorces that you can use to reverse engineer a relationship that lasts. We discuss the five types of infidelity James sees in his practice and the approach to marriage that will prevent affairs. We then get into common sources of conflict in a marriage, including sex, finances, and kids, and how to address these issues so you never end up in James', or any other divorce lawyer's, office. Resources Related to the Podcast AoMPodcast #550: How to Strengthen Your Marriage Against DivorceAoM Article: Why the Secret of a Happy, Successful Marriage Is Treating It Like a Bank AccountAoM Podcast #850: The Infidelity FormulaAoM Article: A Resolution for Romance — The 52 Love Notes ChallengeAoM Article: How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage MeetingC.S. Lewis quote on the "dance" in relationships from That Hideous StrengthConnect With James Sexton James on IGJames' firm


Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind

There are tons of podcasts, blog posts, and books about how to get more focused. Focus is seen as the key to greater productivity and success. While focus is important, my guest says there are also amazing powers to be found in something that gets a lot less attention: the unfocused mind. Dr. Srini Pillay is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, a brain-imaging researcher, and the author of Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind. Today on the show, Srini explains the downsides of excessive focus, the importance of tapping into the unfocused mind, especially in the age of A.I., and the benefits of doing so, including how mind wandering can help you be more productive and creative, allow you to see greater possibilities for your life, and offer important insights that will get you unstuck from problems. He shares strategies to incorporate unfocused time into your lifestyle, including how to make daydreaming more beneficial and why you should let yourself doodle without guilt. Srini also makes a case for multitasking in the sense of switching back and forth between different tasks. Connect With Srini Pillay Srini's websiteNeuro Business Group websiteSrini on LinkedInSrini on XSrini on IGSrini's articles on Harvard Health


The Life We're Looking For

Note: This is a rebroadcast. In the quiet moments of our lives, we can all sense that our hearts long for something, though we often don't know what that something is. We seek an answer in our phones, and while they can provide some sense of extension and fulfillment — a feeling of magic — the use of technology also comes with significant costs in individual development and interpersonal connection that we typically don't fully understand and consider. My guest today will unpack what it is we really yearn for, how technology, when misused, can direct us away from the path to fulfilling those yearnings, and how we can find true human flourishing in a world in which so much works against it. His name is Andy Crouch and he's the author of The Life We're Looking For: Reclaiming Relationship in a Technological World. Today on the show we talk about the tradeoffs you make when you seek magic without mastery, and how we can understand our desires better once we understand ourselves as heart, soul, mind, and strength complexes who want to be loved and known. We discuss the difference between interactions that are personal versus personalized, as well as the difference between devices and instruments, and how to use your phone as the latter instead of the former. We end our conversation with why Andy thinks we need to redesign the architecture of our relational lives and create something he calls "households." Resources Related to the Podcast Faust by Johann Wolfgang von GoetheWendell BerryAoM article on Plato's idea of the tripartite nature of the soulAoM Podcast #723: Men Without ChestsAoM Article: The Tool Works on Both EndsAoM Article: Communities vs. Networks — To Which Do You Belong?Connect With Andy Crouch Andy's WebsitePraxis Labs


The Psychology of Effective Weight Loss

Note: This is a rebroadcast. When most people think about losing weight, they think about the details of a diet plan — what food to eat, how much of it to eat, and when to eat it. What they don't spend enough time working on, are the mental and emotional habits that can sabotage their efforts, regardless of the diet plan they adopt. That's why my guest today, despite being a biochemist, has made mindset the foundation of his approach to losing weight. His name is Dr. Trevor Kashey and he's the founder of Trevor Kashey Nutrition (TKN). We begin our conversation with a thumbnail of Trevor's unique background, which includes earning his first university degree in biochemistry at the age of 17, setting national records in powerlifting, and coaching an Olympic fight team, as well as how he went from coaching elite athletes to helping average folks lose weight. We then talk about why Trevor focuses on bridging the gap between knowledge and action, and the erroneous assumptions people make that keep them from following through on their intentions. From there we turn to the phases TKN takes its clients through, which begins with getting what Trevor calls "food clarity." We discuss how simply tracking what you eat can get you to naturally change your diet because of something called "the Hawthorne effect," and can almost be all you need to do to start losing weight. We then get into how to deal with your hunger when you're cutting calories, and why it's crucial to be decisive about it. We also discuss how you can eventually eat more once you work on eating less, how to manage the expectation of consistent weight loss, and why you really need to weigh yourself every week. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM Podcast #708: Overcoming the Comfort Crisis AoM Podcast #715: What's the Most Sustainable Diet?AoM Podcast #475: How to Lose Weight, and Keep It Off Forever AoM article on how to track your food intakeAoM Article: 6 Ways to Measure Your Body FatThe Hawthorne effectAoM series on willpowerConnect With Dr. Trevor Kashey Trevor Kashey Nutrition: TKNTrevor on InstagramThe Best Nutrition Group EVER on FB


The Most Insightful Personality Test

Personality tests sometimes come in for criticism these days for not being very accurate or helpful or for putting people into boxes. And it’s true that no test can ever entirely peg the complexities of personality, and they shouldn’t be applied with too much rigidity. But what these tests are useful for is serving as a prompt for reflecting on the particular ways you think, feel, and act, and, perhaps even more importantly, getting you to think about the fact that other people can see and approach the world in ways that are fundamentally different from your own. I haven’t found a personality test that better serves as this kind of tool than what’s called the “People Code” or the “Color Code,” which categorizes people into four colors: Reds, Blues, Whites, and Yellows. I’ve found it uncanningly insightful in helping me understand myself and others better, and it’s become a regular topic of conversation amongst my family and friends. Today I talk to the creator of the Color Code Personality Profile, psychologist Dr. Taylor Hartman. We discuss the strengths and weaknesses of the four color types, how to interact with each color to bring out their best traits, and how the colors combine in relationships. We then discuss the importance of developing the strengths of other colors besides your own, a process Taylor calls becoming “charactered.” Learn More/Connect With Taylor Hartman Taylor’s WebsiteTake the ColorCode AssessmentThe People CodeThe Character CodeTaylor on LinkedIn


Why We Fight

We often suppose that wars are fought over things like resources, border disputes, and ideologies. My guest calls this "the spreadsheet approach to war" and argues that, in reality, such factors only come in as justifications for the much deeper drives at play. Mike Martin is a Senior Visiting Fellow in the Department of War Studies, King's College London and the author of Why We Fight. Today on the show, he draws on his background in biology and experience serving in the British army to offer an explanation as to why individuals and nation-states go to war. Mike argues that there are two fundamental impulses behind the drive to war: the drive for status and the drive for belonging. We discuss these motivations and how leaders and ideologies corral and amplify them. We end our conversation with how this view of war could prevent conflicts and allow them to be fought more successfully, and also be a lens for how to help men flourish in a healthy way. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM series on statusAoM series on honorAoM Podcast #756: How the Desire for Status Explains (Pretty Much) EverythingAoM Podcast #908: Would You Have Been a Patriot or a Loyalist?AoM Podcast #419: American Honor — Creating the Nation’s Ideals During the RevolutionMike's latest book: How to Fight a WarConnect With Mike Martin Mike on Twitter


Finally Learn to Say No

When someone asks us to do something we don’t want to do, we often say yes even though we want to say no, because we think that saying no will feel terrible. But my guest, Dr. Vanessa Patrick, says the opposite is true: we actually feel great when we say no. So why do we have such a hard time doing so? Today on the show, Vanessa, who’s the author of The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life, answers that question and more. She shares how to categorize the asks you get into quadrants to determine whether you should say yes or no to them. And she explains how to give an “empowered refusal” — a no that’s phrased in a way that makes it less likely to create offense or pushback — so you can start saying no to the things that don’t matter, and spend more of your time on the things that do. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM Article: How to Firmly Say No Without Coming Off Like a JerkAoM Article: A Better Way to Say NoSunday Firesides: Give the Gift of NoAoM Article: Quit Being a Pushover: How to Be AssertiveAoM Article: There Is No Indispensable ManConnect With Dr. Vanessa Patrick Vanessa’s websiteVanessa on LinkedInVanessa on TwitterVanessa on IGVanessa’s faculty page