Kagro in the Morning

What a summer! Joe Biden had a kinda lackluster debate, Donald Trump was kinda shot in the ear, Democrats were kinda whistling past the graveyard and then David Waldman went on vacation, and it kinda feels like we joined him, doesn’t it? Ah, months away from October and finally, they’re probably out of surprises. Granbury, Texas residents are being driven crazy by the noise of their local crypto-mine. Imagine the noise of chainsaw 24/7 outside your window. It’s destroying the lives and the health of residents but doesn’t bother anyone running the mine or the state at all, as it is far from their backyards. Most Granburians and crypto-miners are pretty conservative, though, and you know how they feel about limiting anyone’s liberty or freedoms.

Once again, a throwback to the days of the 2020 Democratic National Convention. You had to hear about the Republican one last week. This week, while I’m taking in the scenery out west, we can talk about that last time the Dems did their thing. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin welcome you to the climatic final day of the 2020 Democratic National Convention, brought to you by Donald Trump. If the world didn’t have so much to fix, the convention wouldn’t have been half as good. Kamala Harris already changed the world for the better last night. And! Last night, The President of the United States returned to address the nation! Makes one feel good to be an American. Of course, the more things change, the more they remain the same. Some whinef or more, while some are out there making it happen. Bill O’Reilly worries Biden-Harris might turn their back on him. No one has turned their back on O’Reilly in years. We’ll see how the Gop convention turns out for him. (Not brought to you by Goodyear) Crusted phlegm Steve KG Bannon was arrested and indicted, charged with fraud and money laundering, after illegally shaking down wall-loving rubes. Steve might be wearing his overlapping half dozen popped-collar orange jumpsuits for the next 20 years. Joining him are a rogue’s gallery of villainy, including Kris Kobach, Erik Prince, Tom Tancredo, Sheriff David Clarke and former pitcher Curt Schilling, along with anyone else in the swamp that heard “wall” and “money”. Donald Trump hasn’t heard of any of those guys. It has been revealed that the Senate Intelligence Committee made criminal referrals of Donald Trump Jr., Jared Kushner, SteveBannon, Erik Prince and Sam Clovis to federal prosecutors in 2019. Trump’s attempt to dodge a subpoena for his tax records was nixed by a federal judge. The election will not go smoothly, and Trump will cause trouble. How much trouble will we allow him to cause? Louis DeJoy promised a couple things, but isn’t about to repair the damage he already created. Also, he was lying about stopping. Laura Loomer is a loon, but Qanon is nuts, and now they’re coming to DC. What’s the problem with electing representatives of terrorist groups to the other side of the metal detectors? Then there’s Russia. Russiagate was not a hoax. Russia could turn out to be a little too real. Also, there is a COVID-19 pandemic. People keep tossing it out there, and people keep catching it.

David Waldman is still on vacay this week, from last Friday through this Friday… Hey listen, when David gets back… no one tell him about Joe and Kamala! It’ll be a hoot! Justice Roberts subverted the Separation of Powers and created a dangerous precedent, and a dangerously unaccountable President… but he probably never thought it might also empower a responsible one so quickly. Judge Aileen Cannon released 93 pages of myopia to pave the way for her and Donald Trump’s escape from the Mar-a-Lago stolen documents case. How was Aileen to know that special prosecutors were “a thing”? Now everyone pestered by a special counsel has been gifted a giant fly-swatter. A lie can travel half the world while the truth is pulling on his shoes, said somebody, maybe. A lie, however, can make money for years longer than the truth could ever hope for.

Well, we couldn't quite get it together to have fresh material for every day of the break. So for this Tuesday and Thursday, we bring you our regular guests on their regular days of the week, only this time, they're counterprogramming last week's Republican National Convention with our coverage of the last Democratic National Convention. From 2020! David Waldman is joined by Joan McCarter at KITM 2020 Democratic Convention World Headquarters to assist in blowing up virtual balloons, singing Springsteen and reviewing yesterday’s opening night. Analysts and hecklers were sidelined, and no funny hats, but Michelle Obama spoke directly to me, and so far that makes it the best ever. Tonight: Chuck Schumer! ...Followed by John Kerry! Woohoo! And following them… a minute or so of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. (Probably in conjunction with her AMA on Instagram.) Donald Trump didn’t like it. No one appreciates that Trump has done so much more for the crummy, horrible, dumb people in the United States. In fact, Donald could talk your ear off about how ungrateful the Blacks and the Jews are these days. Suburban housewives though, they can shut up. He’s brought them a long way, baby. Trump will announce an executive order allowing Rosa Parks to sit anywhere on a bus in 1955. Also, it’s now legal for Susan B. Anthony to vote in 1872. Anyhow, Michelle got Trump’s COVID-19 death toll wrong. He’s scored 30,000 more than she said, at least! Meanwhile, 71 of Mississippi's 82 counties are reporting coronavirus outbreaks on their first day of school. The jury’s still out on whether Adrenochrome, harvested from the fear of children, has a beneficial use against COVID-19—“the jury” being bat-shit crazy Qanoners who are now stealing kids to get their own little taste. Speaking of evil, Postmaster General Louis DeJoy (not to be confused with non-evil short track Hall-of-Famer Don LaJoie) is destroying the Post Office to swing the election, and his stock portfolio. Susan Collins is concerned. Mitch McConnell is not concerned, yet. But Steny Hoyer and Nancy Pelosi are working to coax him out of his shell. Trump just might pardon Edward Snowden… and there’s a senate report confirming Russia used Paul Manafort and WikiLeaks to sway the 2016 election. Remember emoluments? There are three pending cases on Trump’s violation of the emoluments clause, and it looks as if they will be pending still on election day. Remember Miles Taylor? Donald Trump does not. Katie Walsh led talks to remove Trump from the 2016 ticket. You might remember her as an RNC superstar, and one of the only “pro”s to work at the Trump White House.

David Waldman is away on holiday! I am away on holiday! Greg Dworkin isn’t away on holiday, but I don’t believe he has an office key… What will we do now? For the first time in KITM’s storied history we will present a pre-recorded ALL-NEW KITM, and this ALL-NEW summary of same. Why not? It’s summer, nothing much is happening… J.D. Vance is an insignificant suck-up in an insignificant position at a very significant time, at a very young age. Vance is the tip of the spear of Project 2025. Black women are squarely behind the Biden-Harris ticket, and approve of Kamala as much as Joe, which is somehow seen as a problem. School vouchers are said to save taxpayer money, but only by the dishonest to the credulous.

David Waldman is both away, and back today for a paradoxically ALL-NEW KITM! The challenge for David will be determining what… or who might still be around and relevant by our release dates. J.D. Vance is as opportunistic and aggressive as Covid. Don’t expect J.D. to be gone anytime soon. Vance is only 39, but he’s had grifts going for years. He once sold an anti-opioid effort to hill… Appalachian areas in southern Ohio that ran through its cash in a couple of years by hiring reps from the pushers to sleuth out the culprits in their addiction crisis. J.D. is all set to be the perfect heir to Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin’s anti-globalization peace plan. Meanwhile, a federal appeals court blocked all of President Joe Biden’s student debt relief. Are Donald Trump and Republicans finally sick of winning? Will they win so much that they’ll forget to win in November? Probably not, but it’s nice to think about.

The Biden drop-out bus still has a lot of gas left in the tank. Although no one is sure of its schedule. And some riders may be refusing to pay the fare. Polls show that Democrats remain Democrats, nervous as always. Black voters, who may have more reason to be nervous than most, remain steady supporters. And everybody’s still happy that Biden’s ready to entertain a discussion of SCOTUS reform. Meanwhile, too many are buying into the Gop’s fake “unity” claims, even as delegates wave “Mass Deportation Now!” placards. Although it may be that they’re talking about unity with Russia. Either way, Republicans are (as usual), all too pleased with themselves. Not a good look! But you can still find some Republicans, even at this convention, who know an a-hole when they see one. Especially when the a-hole is Matt Gaetz! Speaking of a-holes at the convention, Peter Navarro traded his jump suit for a monkey suit, and Miami for Milwaukee. Meanwhile, weirdo Bannon-coddler Guo Wengui may take Navarro’s place in the slammer. And if you were anxiously awaiting the fall of Rudy Giuliani, we’ve got you covered. Plus, he got booted from bankruptcy court and his judgment creditors can finally start “grabbing his assets,” in the non-Borat sense. Ever wonder what happened to, like, the news? Whither the “right to know?”

Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver all of the up-to-the-minute RNC coverage we want and demand, which is none. Into the annals of history (Wikipedia) with Abscam, the Keating Five, and uhm “Rubbergate”, now goes Senator Bob Menedez, judged qualified to headline his very own corruption scandal and maybe even a couple hundred years of jail time. Getting Bob into history books and prison is easy though, compared to getting him out of Senate. That might take some effort. J.D. Vance got into politics for more than the bread. Vance has proven to be a zealous believer in whatever gets him to the next rung, just like his idol-idolizer Tucker Carlson. Tuck and J.D. understand that the quickest way to Donald Trump’s heart is up his ample behind, that soft spot that Donald reserves for his most ardent parasites. MAGA will tell you, Donald Trump can’t lose this election. He. Can. Not. Lose. There is no alternative, to them. But, if that inconceivable event to them happens, they will just add more enemies to their enemy list. Democrats can win still, and will hopefully resist running their own Trump in 2028. Hey, remember when Donald Trump was shot, or almost shot, maybe? Well, it turns out that the shooter just might not be the only one that ever thought of shooting Donald Trump! Donald was caught on tape reminiscing about his courage in the face of danger with Robert F. Kennedy's son, along with discussing the real terror facing the world, baby vaccination.

It’s Tuesday, so David Waldman and Joan McCarter are here to reminisce on the good old days back when Donald Trump was a convicted felon… Oh, he still is? Well, it is only Tuesday. Yes, it’s another Donald Trump miracle. Could it be… God who keeps doing it? After all, He does have a dark sense of humor. Who else would place three snipers under the roof that the rally shooter was climbing upon? Or suggest the shooter and his family to the Trump campaign as prime 2A voters? (Btw, has anyone broke it to Donald that one of his props was damaged at the rally?) It could be that He needsTrump to stick around to keep J.D. Vance from moving up. Yale-Yokel Vance might seem as American as apple pie, following the release of his book “Hillbilly Elegy” (Both pandering and condescending towards MAGA in just two words), but there’s a lot more than his press release to the guy. Donald might soon need more than Matrix-level ducking skills once the election’s over and Project 2025’s man is impatiently second in line.

Tragic news. Media icons Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Richard Simmons passed away this weekend. They say these things ”happen in threes”… Wait! You... wouldn’t think that… No! ...David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are both alive and well and here to bring us a brand new KITM this morning. Whew! In other news, Hell can wait. Donald Trump got yet another pardon Saturday afternoon. Not only is Trump totally exonerated again and has officially attained his long-awaited turning point toward presidential behavior, but Joe Biden, along with anyone left of J.D. Vance, received a million new opportunities to fail. Political assassinations are a time-honored tradition in the United States. It’s 2024 though, so there’ll be a thousand Zapruders, and now a Jack Ruby can arrive in under 20 minutes. Of course, every Trump rallier has already been interviewed hundreds of times over the years: “I hollered over t’ Ethel, I said ‘Don’t look Ethel!’ but it was too late...” Firefighter Corey Comperatore (Corey would have preferred “fireman”) died a hero, but lived a Trumper. Gunman Thomas Matthew Crooks was no angel either, you know. When Donald Trump is soon elected CEO of America he plans to cut back intel sharing with Europe, because he’d rather be intel selling. In response, Russia is expanding into assassinating CEOs. AOC understands that Clarence Thomas and Sam Alito constitute a clear danger to our democracy. Clarence Thomas understands that democracy constitutes a clear danger to him, so he threw Aileen Cannon a bone, and Donald Trump one more get out of Hell free card. Alec Baldwin didn’t need Clarence Thomas to make him a free man, just a confused prosecution.

Today David Waldman welcomes Ian Reifowitz, Distinguished Professor of Historical Studies and author of three… almost four books! Ian takes a break from his analysis of stereotypes in Donald Trump’s rhetoric to chat about the election and lend his distinguished air to our airwaves. Hell no, Joe won’t go. President Joe Biden’s successful press conference last night, coupled with his general successes as a civil servant and human being have honed down the voter’s choice between Biden and… well, it’s the easiest decision anyone could ever make in a voting booth. Even the New York Times can't bothsides this anymore. Not that it matters, at all, to how the election will come out. Russia planned to assasinate the German CEO of an arms manufacturer selling weapons to Ukraine. The potential future CEO of USA Inc., Donald Trump, would see a better ROI partnering with like-minded country bosses over ones that his employee-citizens might prefer. It’s just good business sense.

Due to scheduling conflicts today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin will present a One-Hour Fun-Size KITM Special. All the stories, half the raft! Tonight, President Joe Biden has one more chance… to fail. From this point on, each of Biden's appearances will be examined as a potential point of failure, just as each of Trump’s has been examined as a pivot towards being presidential. In fact, if Joe ever succeeds again, the media will consider it an act of betrayal. I mean, you wouldn’t want to make a fool out of George Clooney, would you? But… What if Biden were to become less old? Or even more unlikely, if fewer voters were to care about how old Joe was? Well, pollsters... generally as accurate as entrail readers or divining rod dowsers, but paid better… have determined that the race is still even-ish. Kamala Harris does have the edge on Trump, as probably does Tom the Mime and the Hawk Tuah girl. But what about Project 2025? Donald Trump doesn’t know a thing about it, but that’s okay, the authors don’t need Trump to, and frankly, won’t need Trump shortly after the election. Already, Gops casually abuse the power that Dems were once afraid to even look at. Trump is now diverting money from Get Out The Vote into You’ll Never Vote Again.

Today on KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin mark the 5,459th Wednesday of Donald Trump’s villainy. Who’d guess that the overriding concern of voters since 2019 on Joe Biden would continue all the way out to 2024? Us Dems, warmly ensconced in our comfy media bubble, had kind of an inkling for a while, but had no idea of how harsh it actually was outside. Maybe, if we got back inside really quick, it might all work out? No. That’s it. Joe has made his decision. (Unless he makes a better one.) Remember, in case of emergency, there has always been a Vice President, who in a perfect world with perfect people would be the perfect choice right now. More people are identifying as Republicans recently, especially in the youth vote… a little worrisome to establishment Democrats for some reason… Shut up! Joe Biden is our candidate! Look at how well he’s done with Israel and Gaza! I mean, he did the best he could, and that’s all we’re asking for, right? Joe Biden will not be implementing Project 2025, even as that might mean untold numbers of incels won’t get laid. Anyhow, the guy President Joe Biden is running against, what’s his name, coward, bully, cad, thief, and arch-enemy of democracy. When will that guy be brought to justice… and stay there? Ah, but that’s “old news”, which nobody talks about, unless it’s old news that everyone is talking about, which would be news.

Justice Putnam threw us a curve ball this morning, with word that Marla Maples is ready to accept the mantle of the vice presidency. It could happen! Prepare yourself for the next stage of The Convicted Felon’s obstruction of justice: blocking his trial judges from carrying out their orders from SCOTUS. So… ready for Supreme Court reform? Here’s a new angle on it, that seeks to build a little more fairness into the system. Super-perv Donald Trump surrounds himself with under-pervs, as you well know. A.J. Delgado, whose face was eaten by a leopard, knows it too. And has the texts to prove it. Oh, and RFKJr. is a f-ing wackadoodle. When Joan McCarter stops by, she helpfully explains that I’ve misunderstood the latest Gop conspiracy theory, but not to worry, because the one she was talking about is just as dumb as the one I was imagining. And speaking — as we were before — about the need for SCOTUS reform, Joan’s been talking about that since forever. So we talk about it some more. In what might be a sneak preview of a future post, Joan entertains us with the story of the caucus that one day hopes to kick all its own members out: the House Freedom Caucus.

David Waldman joined our sad lot who watched the first debate. Although with a little bit of space David decided that the debate wasn’t the worst that could be imagined. Greg Dworkin filled his Raft O’ Stories™ at ports around the world to reveal what we (hopefully) have in common. Sacre bleu! France blocked the takeover by their far right, even when it meant sacrificing their own to do it. Blimey! The British rejected its right wing as well, even if they couldn’t accept a Prime Minister who looks like John Oliver portraying Thurston Howell III. Around the world, Gen X drives the right, but the rest of us are wising up to the ultraright takeover. How about the U.S. of A., land of the free, home of the brave? The more people learn about Project 2025 the less they like it. Which is why Donald Trump will let the states… or the federal government decide… or the Supreme Court, who cares? Whatever exonerates him the most. Donald will have people to take care of that, and you. But, what about Joe? And/or Kamala? Well, buck up buttercups, Biden’s back, baby.

Something, something, US and UK, July 4th, yadda yadda. Only this time, the UK was having elections (while the US was thinking about maybe not having them anymore). And guess what? There was a weird, hard to read outcome. But the bottom line is, Labour “wins.” Their guy will be PM, and with a strong hand. And maybe more to the point, an exceptionally weak one for the Tories. Having a hard time keeping up with developments in our “special relationship?” Maybe you can stop, now. Meanwhile, we fully intend to have an election here. Though Republicans are embroiled in a fight over just what it will mean. Or, you know, maybe they really aren’t. Or maybe LOL YOLO, nothing means anything but what The Convicted Felon says it means. Project 2025 is an example of something that’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice. And once it’s in place, along with his newfound “presidential immunity,” there won’t be any reason anymore not to do foreign deals like this one while in office. Uh-oh! Somebody in the boardroom thought Twitter was the real world, and now they’re in trouble… with the real world. For your weekend consideration: Biden’s fine! No he isn’t!

It's time to pretend we're already back from the July 4th holiday! Here's how we did it on July 5, 2023: Another day after another National Lee Greenwood Day, and just like last year David Waldman is presenting a yet another KITM under the cloud of more mass shootings and the rain of falling celebratory bullets. Greg Dworkin believes that it’s time to rescue those freedoms that we celebrate. A rogue, corrupt, and dumbass Supreme Court abolishes freedoms and strangles democracy. President Joe Biden could do something about it, and he probably is, but talking about things sometimes gets in the way of doing things. Joe is happy to do either, and is pretty adept at picking the right choice. Biden is on to Plan B for student debt. Bidenomics is turning out great, but not enough people know that. The markets feel it though. One form of affirmative action is no longer available because of SCOTUS, so maybe we should look into the others. Like it or not, Biden vs. Trump II is on. And like usual, Trump is losing. Not like DeSantis is losing, but still. Some Republicans believe a dozen or so impeachments will turn everything around. Donald Trump figures a dozen or so sets of gallows might do the trick. The White House might want to fight the forces of disinformation heading into this election, but a federal judge won’t let them. On the good side, Jack Smith is still picking through the classified document crime scene, and no one has stopped the prosecution of January 6 insurrectionist-tourists. Hey look! A Good Guy With A Gun citizen-shot a mass shooter! Except that the Bad Guy With A Gun only a shot a window before his gun jammed. And the GGWAG only then returned and shot the BGWAG… but a win is a win, right?

Well, Greg Dworkin tells us that there aren’t a lot of minds changing about what the debate’s fallout means. There’s nothing yet that tells us definitively that the electorate is moving. But that’s actually something that still had to happen in order to win, so no movement isn’t very helpful. Neither are we seeing any changes in the campaign’s strategy to counteract the debate’s effects. And elected Dems are starting to go on the record about it now. Also not great! Naturally, you can’t look to the press to help. Even if it was their job. No, this job — and it’s a big one — belongs to that most curious mix of people, “the Democratic coalition.” And it’s unclear how efficiently its members can work together under pressure and short deadlines. Meanwhile, on the good news/bad news front: Rudy got disbarred! And Trump got his criminal sentencing delayed, parlaying his SCOTUS win into… well, who knows what? For July 4th: Hey, ever wonder why The Founders seemed like such a unique generation of super shiny leaders?

You know that they say it is darkest before the dawn... We must be pretty close to dawn. David Waldman and Joan McCarter help light our way. In a surprise ruling, the Hand of the King decreed that the King’s power is immutable, as long as the crown is upon his head and his head is upon his shoulders. His rule and God’s can not and will not be distinguishable. After all, it’s how the Founding Fathers would have wanted it. Pre-wrong pre-heretics Justice Elena Kagan and Justice Sonia Sotomayor should be picking out the wood for their pyres right about now. Mike Littlefinger Johnson sees no better reason for Joe Biden’s ouster than whatever today’s reason is. Whatever anyone has on Donald Trump, he did it, or her, or them out of his deep love of his country… Well, as long as Trump won’t be convicted by anything, we all can talk about all of it, unless it becomes illegal to mention, of course. President Joe isn’t getting out of this race if the Heritage Foundation has anything to say about it. The final person to ever go to jail for complicity to Trump crimes, Steven KG Bannon, can rest easy in his prison bunk knowing that Marjorie Taylor Greene’s BBBBBB has his back.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin beseech us — Into July, KITM’s afoot! You are probably aware that Donald Trump and Joe Biden got into a televised snit last week. It seemed mostly about golf, and yet our President aptly demonstrated that he was fully capable of not only meeting but exceeding the expectations and predictions of every (Republican) pundit. Democrats, however... were surprised. One thing’s for certain, whoever was responsible for Joe acting the way he did should be immediately fired! Well, not all of Biden’s staff should be fired; he still needs a few extra for the next two debates. The Philidelphia Inquirer wrote down everything Mr. Biden might have said during the last debate. A few of the things we didn’t know then (9:00 AM ET) that we do know now are the latest SCOTUS rulings. Well, as with Joe, we always had a good idea of where they were heading. Trump’s immunity now seems to be a matter of royal intent. New Jersey has seen enough, and has taken Trump’s golf club liquor licenses. Steven KG Bannon heads to prison to receive his coveted Trump Team Felon tattoo. Oh, and France might go under Nazi occupation again.