Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther speaks to a man struggling to live a life he can enjoy. He feels wracked with guilt over a troubled history with his birth mother and her life of suffering. She was unable to raise him, but now she needs him to be there for her. He questions what he owes her for the life she gave him. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple with two small children are at physical and emotional odds in their relationship. One has given herself over entirely to the children, while the other struggles to find her place within the family dynamic. She yearns for the physical closeness she once had with her wife, while the other is, as she puts it, “all touched out.” Esther encourages them to see their different roles as mutually beneficial and stresses the importance of “feeding the relationship” away from the children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After 20 years together, they wonder if their marriage has run its course? She is too unhappy to stay together and doubts if she ever felt true passion for him. He is holding onto the relationship for the both of them and refusing to truly hear her. Esther explores his desire for hope and her desire for change. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you begin to define a new identity for yourself when you've left the comforts of the world you've known in search of a bigger life? This is what Esther helps a new mom of two figure out as she navigates a new country, new friendships and a new approach to big changes. How to not put the pressure of everything on your partner and try to build a community to support YOU. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

He was deployed to Fallujah, Iraq in 2004. In the 20 years since, he has struggled with PTSD and addiction. She has long taken on the role of his caregiver, ready to jump in when she senses the old traumas are rising. This has often meant sacrificing her own needs as an individual, partner, and lover. With Esther’s guidance they start the practice of re-orientating themselves away from a hyper-vigilant state, toward a more sensual partnership in which she too is taken care of. For additional resources on recovery after war, please see: The Hidden Trauma of Moral Injury- by Jack Saul (https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/hidden-trauma-moral-injury) The Veterans Crisis Line - dial 988 and then press 1. Provides access to free, confidential support with an actual person qualified to support Veterans 24/7, 365 days a year. Serves Veterans, service members, National Guard and Reserve members, and those who support them. Department of Veterans Affairs - VA PTSD Program Locator- (https://www.va.gov/directory/guide/PTSD.asp) VA Caregiver Support Program -(https://www.caregiver.va.gov/) The Department of Veteran Affairs Caregiver Support Program offers clinical services to caregivers of eligible and covered Veterans enrolled in the VA health care system. The program’s mission is to promote the health and well-being of family caregivers who care for our Nation’s Veterans, through education, resources, support, and services. The Headstrong Project - (https://theheadstrongproject.org/) A non-profit mental health organization providing confidential, barrier-free, and stigma-free PTSD treatment to our veterans, service members, and family connected to their care. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A new marriage and a young child—both are first-generation children of immigrants, bridging the divide between an American childhood and an Indian cultural heritage. The moment sex was no longer forbidden, it became deeply uninteresting for one of them. Is something bigger getting in their way? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

They're best friends and ER doctors at a small hospital. During the pandemic, they experienced a fracturing among their coworkers, who they once thought of as family. After one of them develops an autoimmune disease that renders her immunocompromised, she begins to wonder why her coworkers can't prioritize her safety. This episode was recorded after the Omicron wave in 2022 for Esther's podcast How's Work that explores conversations between colleagues, business partners, and peers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

He fell in love with someone at work and left his wife. Fast forward a year, he's engaged and realizes he's made a mistake. Now he wants his wife and his life back—but even if she takes him back, he tells Esther he doesn't feel he deserves to be happy. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A young family, a ten-year age difference, and a wife who used an extra-marital relationship to find independence. After an affair, the choice to forgive and rebuild doesn’t wipe away the pain and the betrayal. Esther guides this couple on their path towards reconciliation and trust a year after the discovery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Esther talks to a woman who was passed over for a promotion, again. She straddles two cultures and finds that it is impacting her work and her personal life more than she realized. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When a tragedy shakes their church and their community, both the preacher and his wife try to put the pieces back together for themselves and his congregation. This is the second part of a special two-part episode. This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

She has never quite fit into the mold of the preacher's wife in their small town. He has put his self-worth solely into his career, as a bandaid over deep-seated childhood insecurities. They have never been able to come to terms with the resentment they both experience. This is the first part of a special two-part episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels that her brother's wife is standing in the way of her relationship with her brother. For years, she has compared the closeness she shares with her brother to all of her romantic relationships. And because of it she has found herself single, time and time again. Esther talks her through the question she came with about her brother, "If you really understood and loved me, why would you choose her?" Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is a classic session of Where Should We Begin from season 1. They're grandparents, with a 40+ year love story and a stable, happy marriage. But one of them had quite a few secrets. Now, with everything out in the open, they’re hoping Esther can help them work through some of the residual shame, guilt, and pain. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A woman in her 40s talks to Esther about a crossroads in her life. She has begun a relationship with a supportive and loving partner, but without the constant roller coaster of emotions she's used to, she wonders if there’s something missing. Or is there something wrong with her? Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when you transgress the one boundary you never thought you would? In this week's Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman who began an emotional affair after 10 years with her partner. She has since found herself alone and devastated by her own actions, unable to forgive herself or move on from the pain that she caused. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple, together a decade, with three young children. He reached out because a year after the discovery of his affair, they aren’t fighting anymore, but they certainly haven’t moved on. Esther’s not convinced they’ve ever really been able to hear each other. Can they recover from this? And do both of them really want to? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

They knew each other as kids. He grew up in a house where love was never a guarantee. She had the seemingly perfect family and all the love in the world. They've recently begun a romantic relationship as adults, but still can't seem to find their footing and separate themselves from their vastly different histories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

He donated sperm to help a friend start her family. A decade later that gift shattered his own. Esther talks through the consequences of a secret. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices