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No Crying In Baseball

Sports & Recreation Podcasts

When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you'll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman's best friend, and there's no crying in baseball.

When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you'll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman's best friend, and there's no crying in baseball.


United States


When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you'll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman's best friend, and there's no crying in baseball.






For Entertainment Purposes Only

So many awards, so many failed predictions. Pottymouth’s pre-season ROY pick of Julio Rodriquez was the exception, reminding us all that our observations are for entertainment purposes only. Patti thinks Brandon Hyde was robbed, just a little, but otherwise we can’t really complain about the winners. We review the hot stove vocabulary word “non-tender” and things teams and players cannot say about contracts and perceived value of free agents per the CBA. We cross-train with the shame of...


Festive and Caramelized

We catch you up on Platinum glove, Hank Aaron, and Player’s Choice awards, which is like watching the Golden Globes to prep for the Oscars. The GM meetings happened last week, weirdly during the “quiet period,” kicking off the official Hot Stove Season. We provide the annual qualifying offer vocabulary lesson, with offers tendered to 14 free agents. Scott Boras drives Pottymouth to defend high-end vegan restaurants and Patti to note that hamburger is in fact meat. We touch on how teams for...


Whatever, We Were Half Right

We’re happy for Dusty, Pottymouth is happy for JV, Patti is resigned to scrappy not prevailing in the end. Birthday girl Pottymouth finds a way to make the World Series about the Red Sox and it just feels right. It also leads to more quality analysis of “combined no-hitter” vs. “no-hitter,” and big credit to the catcher, in this case Christian Vazquez. Jeremy Peña is the MVP and the “it” boy of the moment but we just need to note that NCiB claimed him first. No surprise that Patti names sexy...


Youthful Exuberance and School Nights

We make our World Series calls official. Pottymouth asserts Astros in five, with all the feels for the old guys (Dusty and Justin), and the promise of the youngsters (Mauricio Dubón and Jeremy Peña). Patti leans into the joyful and the scrappy of what FoxSports calls the “Greatest College Baseball Team of All Time,” Phillies in 6. Fun fact about our skill in boyfriend selection, all runs in Game 1 were driven in by NCiB BFs. Hey, don't go looking for conspiracy theories regarding Martín...


Blame it On The Rain

One solid prediction made by your hosts? We picked the Phils and the Padres as “fun to watch” before the season started and the NLCS has proved us right. Our postseason BFs include qHar-adjacent Brandon Marsh, once and maybe forever BF Juan Soto, Kyle “King Tuck” Tucker, and Machete Maldonado. Patti’s former bfs on the Phillies are embracing the chaos. Pottymouth’s former HOU bf Jeremy Peña makes an impression with his bat and that whole mom thing we love. All you folks complaining that the...


Your Effin’ Guy Has Earned My Effin’ Admiration

Junior Pottymouth and his hours-old Mariners cap sit in while Patti splits for the beach. Playoff ponderings include the rise of the underdogs, just how many non-baseball things you can do during an 18-inning game and still see most of it, and the lefty vegan pitching for the Hammers. Manny Machado not only being That Shirtless Guy but also learning phrases in Korean to encourage teammate Ha-seong Kim have almost won Pottymouth over. Wil Myers and his wife are already our people, buying...


Feeding our AL East Revenge Needs

Your BOS and BAL fan co-hosts relished the sweeps of AL East Wildcard teams, the crazy records for shortest game and longest scoreless game, SpongeBob walk-offs, shirtless cellies, multiple greatest comebacks of all time, shoes on heads, and Mets fans behaving predictably badly. Going forward to the next round we may see biblical plagues, all the Dusty, and none of the Chapman. Batting titles go to Jeff McNeil and Luis Arráez as do gifts from their teammates. Adley grades teammates qHar,...


Eye of the Beholder

We start off the last week of the regular season by setting up Wildcard Weekend, and looking to next year with Ohtani’s record deal and yet another return of Miggy. There was so much news about hair that we created a whole segment – Gunnar Henderson is Minor League Player of the Year, Harold Ramirez’s blue hair for autism awareness may inspire more postseason blue for the Rays, and cross-training with hockey introduces us to Buoy the Sea Troll, the new mascot of the Seattle Kraken, who...


Breaking Records is Fun

As the regular season winds down, milestones both personal and historic are in reach, and our baseball boyfriends are all over it. We ponder rooting for or against these achievements either as a spoiler or as a judge of moral character, player overreach trying to get there, and just how many catcher-brother pairs actually exist in professional baseball. Patti found a law enforcement career to get behind, and it is the MLB Authentication Program. Who knew it was all due to Tony Gwynn? And...


Enforce it, But Wink

The minor league union is official, the 21st Roberto Clemente Day is honored in style, and postseason prep has begun. We drink theme beer, learn all infields are not equal and get lost in Vinnie Pasquantino’s syllables. Bobby’s qHar gets some notice by people who are not us and Ke’Bryan learns about appropriate snack timing. Joey Meneses and his inside the park HR contribute to the return of Patti’s Happy Place. Adam Jones teaches us how to negotiate a contract (a plane ticket and beer!), as...


Ban the Wave, Not the Shift

New rules are coming and we’ve got the details and so many opinions. The new minor league union is coming, and we’ve got details and entirely predictable opinions. Pottymouth cheers on Edmundo Sosa’s turnaround, an historic battery, and as always, Kiké. Patti’s bf Lars Nootbaar makes the police blotter a happy place, and Adley continues to make baseball a happy place. It’s time to vote for your choice of our past baseball boyfriends for the Roberto Clemente award. Someone please send...


Even the Mascot has Game Face

Your 100% unionized (most of the time) podcast team breaks down the process in motion to authorize the MLBPA to collectively bargain on behalf of minor league players. It’s happening. Gunnar Henderson takes over the league lead in Quality Hair Above Replacement. Pottymouth explores the alternate career choices of Rafael Devers and Kike Hernandez. Paul Goldschmidt, Spencer Strider, and Aaron Judge are on tears that did not appear in our truly abysmal pre-season predictions. If you are going...


The O's Bandwagon has Cocktails

Even theme cocktails won’t get Pottymouth to commit to the Orioles bandwagon. Yet. We celebrate the streak of Adolis Garcia, the resurgence of TJ Friedl, and the homecoming of Gavin Sheets. We ask important questions like “Who DFA’s Jesus?” and “anyone know where to get a safe tattoo in the state of NY?” J-Rod is a Mariner for life, and Oneil Cruz is very strong and very tall. The new and balanced 2023 season schedule has the AL East breathing a sigh of relief. With the first day of school...


Maybe His Frontal Cortex will Grow

After a get to know you tequila shot, Suzy of the new Bourbon & Baseball podcast, and our own fantasy league, joins Pottymouth for this week’s show while Patti lifts heavy things in Syracuse. Pottymouth braves Camden Yards without Patti because Kiké is back and there were bleacher seats to be had. Our pal Brett was DFA’d, making room for rising star Kyle Stowers. Suzy brings the Astros love and reassures us that all of our former BFs are being well taken care of by the Houston fan base....


The Stars Were Bright, Fernando

Tatis, Jr. has disappointed his teammates, his coaches, and perhaps most terrifying, Abba-singing moms. We discuss the suspension, maturity levels, and the need to make better choices. Skye Bolt needs to make better choices for breakfast, but “leaves it all on the field” for the As. Jeurys Familia leads us to discuss if players can earn their way off the never gonna be a boyfriend list. Solomon Bates comes out and gets an indy ball gig. Advocates for Minor Leaguers checks Manfred’s math and...


Channel Your Inner Ted Lasso

The trade deadline gave us all the feels from “Baseball is Fun” to so much crying in baseball. We give you the rundown on how our favorite teams did and where our boyfriends ended up. Pottymouth laments Christian Vasquez and Patti is all in on Phillips 66. Our friends at Friars on the Farm are a great resource on the former San Diego prospects on the move. Women are playing baseball the world over and more teasers drop about the World Baseball Classic. We crosstrain with the Britney Griner...


We're Steeped in Something

West Coast Correspondent Deborah joins Patti to talk Max, mud, and Manfred while Pottymouth is on the road. Another eat the rich rant emerges from Rob Manfred’s letter regarding the anti-trust exemption, which merely proves that the Commissioner is completely detached from the gig economy and a sense of right and wrong in addition to the math of a living wage. The expanded playoff plan seems to be working for your hosts as they are already quoting games behind in the Wildcard for teams that...


Eat the Rich, Drink Tequila

Women in Baseball Week and National Tequila Day coincide and it looks just like the NCiB Venn diagram. Pottymouth gives us the historical perspective of the record-setting game between the Blue Jays and that other team and manages to celebrate our boyfriend’s fine showing. Except for the one, which may get re-dumped. Soto Watch includes the Nats steep asking price, and air travel trash talk. We are seriously bad at pre-season predictions and prove it at this mid-season check-in. A tearful...


Safety is Job One

Pottymouth survived both Red Sox at Yankee Stadium and the Dead at Citifield and tells us all about it. Game day descriptions include boyfriend highlights (fun to celebrate a Jeter homer at Yankee Stadium), and a little too much information theater. Matt Carpenter has found his swing, Whit Merrifield’s consecutive game streak ends in a wimper, and rookie Adley Rutschman’s pinch hit homer is the first since Trey. Will Soto make Pottymouth regret the City Connect jersey? Is $440million really...


Walk-Off Bingo

Patti and the Pottymouth record from neighborhood brewery 3Stars and wish them a fond farewell on their last day of operations. Pottymouth has been back to Fenway so she has a LOT to say, including reports of a hero named Jeter. Patti celebrates the return of Corey’s bat, the historic naming of Jazz to the All-Star roster, and the water wings of probable future BF J-Rod. There is pondering over the Os just being fun, or are they actually good. The UK hosts Derby X (is it “ex” or “ten? We...